morbidhippie's Diaryland Diary Is it the 'shit' thats making the habits come back? Or, is it the habits making the 'shit' come back? If i stopped the habits, would the 'shit' dim? But i can't seem to stop the habits, because ...? --- I thought the purpose of this diary in the beginning was to keep it a record of not Miss Lelaina, not Miss Neurotica, but Jess. (even kept the name from a long ago time to keep a constant reminder there.) so where's she gone? i'm not sure if i have anything of her left. me, not sure if i have anything of me left. and who would've thought, that i would've repeated the same thing over again - and each time gets more intense. more real. self fulfilling propehcies my dear. -- find you -- -->question to ponder--> does the way the person 'look' fall into the person; or does the person fall into the way they 'look'? are we all just living up to the way we percieve we should be. you can try to escape it, make those 'things' that everyone seems to want, into something different, something that seperates you from them, but you are forever joined with them in the sense that subconsciously, you're all just attempting to live up to the standards you have set in your head. for me these things appear to be everything i have. but, is there perhaps something missing? it's who i see, it's who i feel like i am most of the time, but occasionally i realise that i'm not all there. -- forever living in this dream girls body, watching her and thinking how beautiful she looks from in here, but never really BEING her. ---- the way she sits in the lotus position at the computer for hours every night. ---- drinks coffee until 2 in the morning and complains about not getting enough sleep. ---- hiding 6 cuts on her wrist under one watch. ---- how will you get yourself out of this one? you can stand by, sit here watching. this is how your life is turning out -- but noone's watching her. you're not watching her, looking from the outside in, this girl is you - the girl watching is the girl being watched. no, you don't know how it feels in her body, but she knows it feels in your body. because they are one in the same. -- these are the things i cannot get my head around. -- explain it to death, but it still won't sound right. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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