and what on earth would make you turn your back on it?

a drama performance.

"you really are possesive aren't you"

my, how observant you are.

-

time to stop things now i think.

calm down a bit, live in the world more than my head.

i think i'm missing out on so much.

i've wasted so many days sitting surrounded by 4 walls

and a room

she had so much potential ya know, so beautiful, so gifted, so promising

and now what

she doesn't know herself anymore.

i alwys liked seeing her in the mirror, because in there she has it all together.

she's confident, knows where she's going, what she's doing

never has to say a thing but you know that if she did it would sound like magic

words of wisdom

but she's not like that anymore.

i see me now.

no delusions, just me

jess

i still don't think i like her much

-

but things are opening up.

i think i could learn to accept it

not love it as intensely as i did the other, but just accept it

live with it.

and besides, it can't be healthy to be feeling quite so passionate all the time

just calm down a little bit.

i'm never calm.

never.

there is never a time when i can put that label on myself.

mess.

oh, i can be a mess.

-

i feel im moving onto something.

i don't know what it is and if i should just follow it with blind faith

(i can smell pot in my house)

or do what i usually do and let my fears hold me back

stay in my world where nothing is comfort, nothing is still

nothing is accepted.

everything questioned

means alot of uncertainty

this leads to alot of discomfort and distraction.

things are going on in my life of late.

not just the life i live in my head, but the life that is acted out on a stage, every day

people places opportunities conversations

these are all happening

so why am i still sitting here trying to ge my head around it?

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