going down down down i can feel the spiral

give me a gun

i don't care just let me out let it stop

thinking, thats what'll get me the thoughts that never stop

nothing in particular, nothing to put my finger on grasp a hold of

slipping slipping slipping

here he comes to add to it

masquerading behind helpfulness and compliments

he helps so many people yet we know he can't help me

hows that supposed to make me feel

hundreds of people

never done a reading for a 16 year old

and now she's one you can't grasp onto

what are you doing what m i doing

just let me go

all i think of, it's there to help and there to save

solution to everything

permanent

yes it's a selfish act

incredibly

in fact, lately the guilt i used to carry around about how much it would hurt everyone

gone

i don't care anymore couldn't give a fuck if you're hurting just let me out

let me go

-

i have new things now

a secret life i live inside the mind of my secret girl.

it's all for show nothings real here

she's sinister

evil dark fuck she's beautiful

felt it today i had you all playing my game

6 people so fuelled by artistic passion they were close to collapsing

and me just standing there, pacing back and forwards with my hands holding eachother

hoolding the magic

they all felt it didn't know that it was art didn't know they were playing for me

i'm gone right now

been the strangest of days and weeks

i'm scared about tomorrow

i don't want to see him, i don't want to see paul

i'm scared of what he'll say what he'll do

i have it in my mind that if i'm covered in gashes he won't want to touch me

throw me out on the side of the road i don't care just don't touch me i don't want him on me near me in me

don't want it it's so dirty it disgusts me he disgusts me

hes 41 years old why is he hanging round with me?

he says it's strange he's coming back for me since so many beautiful girlscome to him for help everyday

says it as though i should be flattered i should be proud

i should feel privleged

well i don't

i fucking don't

i feel like shit so you can all just fuck off

stop handing me these prizes, these pet names

all of you

they all do it not just him my family tose idiotic girls at my school who seem to have formed their own little 'jess fan club' it's bullshit fucking bullshit

put me up on his pedastool and temptation will get the better of me

i'll want to know what it feels like to be flattened on the floor

who'll scrape me up then?

who'll cre enough who gives a shit enough to clean me up after i've dropped down?

who'll stay and deal with the stench of it, who'll watch me rot and know that i would've loved it

who knows that who gets that who fucking gets that

none of you this is bullshit i hatee being the pissy little girl who thinks she's all alone in this big overcrowded world

but i don't care right now because i am, i am fucking alone

maybe not in the experience, of course not in the experience but right now, my experience, no ones sharing this with me no one knows what i'm talking about what i speak of what i worry for

none of you fucking get it

i don't fucking get it

just take it, take it off of me put it on you i don't care just get it out of me this sickness she's rotting , not even decay, nothing as soft as that she's rotten, just rotten

she's disgusting

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