i have written 201 entries

in this diary

-

numbers are strange.

-

it's my birthday soon.

this is strange

my

17th

birthday

(even stranger)

feel so much older

so much younger

a number isn't the right way to put it

-

i don't know what is.

-

i haven't written in here in a couple of days

strange days

they have been strange days.

-

thinking

-

too much

and

too

differently

to normal

don't really know what to think of it all

ha

haha.

-

yeah

she's back to this again

sad to see isn't it

(bang)

hmm

-

this afternoon has seen

beth orton

a purple see-through mesh top and long patchwork skirt

(stoned, staring, coffee, reading, tv)

at the drive in

a short red check skirt and black t shirt with red silky cool thingee on the back (i can't think of words properly)

(stoned, staring, coffee, reading, writing)

mostly just staring

lying down

have been the main

theme

in the last

couple of weeks

i think

(really not sure)

of anything

we can't be and this

is apparantly why things are blissful

-

i think thinking about all that universe shit

(i;m still thking about it, can't seem to stop it, i even dream about it)

has made me depressed

even the grand bits

the most joyous things i've ever discovered

just

-

make me depressed

-

i can't be bothered to explain why

-

alex came over last night

a nice night

strange

also

(predictable - HA!)

-

this afternoon

i had this idea of wriitng a whole entry about

my family

because on my walk home i really thought about how

bizarre

we are in some aspects

but

obviously i didn't end up writing it

a pity to, because i was thinking about it for a long time, off and on throughout the afternoon

planning things

usually when i do that

the stuff never gets written

but i though that i would write hat one

maybe i still will

-

yeah

it's saturday night

sunday's the only day i don't have to be at work before 8

sunday is grand

-

terrif

(i watched half of a movie with julie andrews and mary tyler moore in it today. it was a musical, set in the 20's. they were 'flappers' julie andrews kept saying everything was 'terrif' at one point. yeah..)

-

963 times

do real people actually read this shit

or do you just look at the pretty picture

-

i find this whole diaryland thing quite absurd really

and

also

kinda depressing because

there's so many sad people around

eating disorders

-

yeah

wow

shut up

-

life is happening

i think

i don't know if i am though

-

or

-

if i'm happening

and life

hasn't even begun

-

guess i'll find out one day

-

(the sad thing is, i probably won't)

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