(i know)

went quiet for awhile

-

not really quiet

missing in action

-

pen on paper

is a marvellous thing

i have been using alot of pen on paper

-

i initiated a conversation today and as yet

i'm not quite sure i have the balls to finish it

-

i'm wearing a pink t-shirt with betty boop on it

i like it alot, the sleeves make my arms look cool

-

i washed my hair this morning before i went to work

(for 8 hours - it seems the majority of credit card holders are idiots)

and so now it's kind of curly and fluffy and all over the place

colour fading in some parts so it's quite

cool

looking

(i think so anyway)

-

i feel a bit empty when i come to write in here

my computer died for a week and i got it back on monday

as well as an email which

was nice to recieve but sent me spinning

-

and i still haven't replied

was going to tonight but

(oops!)

i'm going out soon

with

'the beautiful boy'

english accented sexy (virgin) goodness

-

thats right

i initiated this conversation today

(with him)

with no idea where it's going to lead to

or even

what point

i want to make but

i feel it's about time we had this conversation, properly

so

maybe we will.

i don't know.

he's picking me up in an hour

-

my dad wants me to do the washing up

i can tell because he's crashing shit around in the kitchen

fucking hell

i wish he'd realise that that by doing that he in no way makes me want to do the washing up

he makes me wants to crash all the plates over his fucking head

-

(just ask)

people should just fucking

ask.

-

people piss me off

the whole world pisses me off

right now i'm sort of

in a state of ambivalence

over whether or not i am in love with this world or if i

completely detest every aspect of it

completely detest life and all that it involves

-

i dont know.

i think maybe this will last forever

-

last night i wrote

4 pages

(pen on paper)

reflecting on the 'year'

was fun

has anyone else done that yet?

-

for a couple of weeks i've been thinking about asking a whole heap of people online, who have cameras and alot of free time

if they would like to take photos

of where they live

their friends

what they do in their day

and send them to me...

just because

well

(i don't know)

i think it would be cool/interesting

-

((((((((((this))))))))))

is the reason she's been quiet

absolute mundane dribble

!!IDIOT!!

-

i don't know

(stop saying that!)

i ctually feel kinda good this last little while

besides this weird nervousness that never (literally, never) leaes me but usually just stays in my body, not so much in my head/thoughts

(what is that?)

and

still thinking about guns and knives

(everynight i think about blood)

and dieing and beauty and

(complete oblivion)

a complete lack of conscious thought/existence

being nothing but a

(void)

-

thats what i want.

-

but

still

i feel good

life

is good

everythings right at the moment, things are re-surfacing and

(perhaps)

i'm not that surprised

-

i have this horrible feeling that amanda's going to fuck me over as far as woodford is concerned

(amanda - don't do that)

woodfords going to be amazing

-

i've had an amazing year

a bizarre, and at most times quite surreal year

but it's been very beautiful

-

have you had an amazing year?

(is your soul growing)

-

i hope everyone can answer yes

(be honest)

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