decorates your eyes.

ok.

hmm quiet down and breathe honey.

wake up.

(wow it's one of the days that somehow deserves bit by bit break down. how lovely. and it's not over yet.)

oh don't get excited

rambling..mumbling

stoned

sorry

but i waited all day!

all day!

till about 10pm

(amazing!!)

-

i say

at the moment i see splendour on saturdays horizon.

yes yes yes

and Right reasons i think

girlish fun and pj pj reasons

and just one day matter of hours even

things no one can own.

-

i've abandoned the bit by bit break down. sorry.

oh i feel nice today.

i'm all mismatched clothes and things

things

-

hour long phone conversations

(such strange time though!)

and pyjamas tucked into knee high socks.

-

and plans

well we try

to make plans

2 of the most indecisive whores you may ever see

we'll have a carwash..

-

hmm banjo.

weird.

and a hey!

a hey jess

i hated that.

wanted t blatantly ignore that.

oh ha ha

and the one you got didn't at all

At All my dear

sound like the one i gave

maybe best

better things, she knows, she knows, she knows whats going on

welcomed it in

-

the blank entry dear, you yes you you you note leaving dear

was nothing special at all, intended for here 'you know what? fuck it.'

that was all.

love.

-

go and listen to this bic runga song 'election night'

if by chance you haven't already

-

yes

slowing down

breathing.

-

so i wake up and feel disgruntled because thats how i fell asleep

annoyed that i desperately have to pee and am naked and don't want to wear clothes but theres people and

wrap a blanket around me and as i open my bedroom door i hear someone knock

at the front door

there was no way i was going to answer that.

but anyway i should have

blanket dress splendour and all

lovely amanda..black and red hair (!!!) like rich shiny licorice

and the part and jumper and everything, you were such a nice sight this morning lovely

(mwah!)

wow sorry i'm a little out of it maybe.

anyway

------------------------------

i advertised the ticket

on my self and on a notice board

"ask Me about splendour in the grass!!"

haha only one person asked, and he obviously had no intention of going but was obviously quite stoned and i think rather amused to see..well the word grass

and maybe kind of awestruck by the prettiness of the word 'splendour'

(that happens to me. awefull.)

-

but i asked some people

and some were all positive responses and one girl

the first one i asked

came back at around 4:55 with her boyfriend (like she had promised)

but by this time

it was in my heart to avoid her with All of my might.

so i did.

ha! speedy escapes..the scotty jo jo

oh gee, remember how we were in highschool moments

really cheesy

really

i don't know. i ate a fizzer.

no one can seem to agree on their former price

at the warehouse they are 20 cents.

i remember them as 15.

-

tomorrow is soap opera love life day.

wednesday is

hmm catching up with fuckass? and probably being pissed off in the afternoon, the amazing breaking free moments and so much laughing on the short drive home

thursday is much of the same but add in neurotic definately odd (cooky even) but i think gorgeous aleisha and the up my nose or on my skirt, 'i'm not on anything hey..'

why am i

-

anyways throw in some bek.

because she's good for the soul.

and maybe somewhere in there even a little more amanda?

because she's good for everything

(is that offensive?)

-

gone, gone far away..beautiful beautiful

-

and this pj thing

oh and yes

well yes

maybe a bit of

CJ

(baywatch? no..)

hmmm...roar

-

it's really Really cold tonight.

really Fucking cold. even.

ahhh

mmm

-

oh and it's my mums birthday.

and i made her cry.

for a Bad reason.

usually it's because of..love and happy things

but it's ok

i made her smile after

smile much more than she cried

i even sent a goodnight kiss in an sms?

i've never done that before.

but i should, more

because she's lovely

i thanked her for life.

what a

i don't know.

-

i haven't spoken to him yet.

-

and the other?

the one with the

hey.

not even going to

-

hmmmmm canNot!

oh.

i think i saw a flash of mr thomspon today

i would love to be learning about

brecht

again

more

more.

-

counting days

-

so many little trains, got time? let me tell you

try to

-

waking up and feeling the emptiness, even if they are just thoughts you know, i feel their abscence

well now

who the fuck cares if i'm

too young

too fat

too fucking anything else

now that it feels like there's nothing to lose.

nothing at all.

i talked of freedon.

strange.

-

you know maybe it's nothing at all.

voices

missing voices, rareky Heard voices

and voices that would always Shock

-

if gravity let us go

short as it is

big chunk really

and growing growing

little hopefuls she said

plucking the phone cord like a

like a

instrument

-

i'll promise you what i can

(not much, i haven't got much)

please remind me.

-

hundreds of moments that i've Lost pieces in

everybody feels that i imagine

say my name aloud.

i forget myself

positive to just

Let Go

and how often do you

have to shout

-

watching stars explode - breathe so slow

(how strange the sound)

-

i wonder if you know my sounds

if somewhere on a page you're telling me to shut up

or to be louder

sometimes it was for you.

alot of times it was for you.

wow alot.

is that

what is that? imagine your name on the tip of my tongue and you know where the tip of his is

oh!

-

not for anybody else to know..

but i told you of new years?

ahh shoosh shoosh shoosh

quiet Down honey.....

umm

well shit.

it's 10:53

(i went and got stoned after the first 2 lines. it took a little while.)

i think maybe i'm done.

love.

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