morbidhippie's Diaryland Diary

It's all about self love... 2002-12-21 3:42 p.m. i don't know what it is about amber that scares me so much. here's this beautiful, beautiful girl who loves me and wants me and she tells me this..and i thought i wanted her to. i quite possibly still do. but the other day when she was here and she was touching my hand and she went to kiss me and i pulled away. it was too soft, to nice and full of love. it was beautiful and it was what i'd been hoping would happen but it was just to nice.

i want anger. i don't want that soft love. i want hate fueled passion. shit...and so nothing can satisfy me.

except for myself.

i remember that night when alex and i had that huge fight. i was so worked up, so turned on. after we finished, after he's gone i went into my room and watched myself in the mirror. watched my hands on my body, my hands hitting my face, my blood dripping down my arms and my legs and my hands..everywhere on my body, rubbing the blood into me again. i'd never seen something so sexy in my life.

no one looks as good to me as i do.

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