fair enough, i didn't start seeing her to 'get better,' but this is ridiculous.

things are worse than before.

things are worse than ever.

after seeing her, i never feel 'cleansed' or as though i've ahd some kind of release..i feel horrible.

my worst days are the days have therapy.

i may not know much about this shit, but i'm pretty sure it's not supposed to work like that.

and so, i was all set to tell her today. to say that it was confusing me more to be seeing her than when it was just me, lelaina and this world that she calls 'fantasy.'

do you think i could? of course not. in fact, i went the opposite way. i told her alot of shit. and she's still pushing this medication crap on me. she wants to kill lelaia.

i won't let her.

we were doing fine before, yes, i was sad but thats ok. i'm still sad. and i like my sadness thank you very much.

so i shall keep her.

and if that means losing jess (as she says it does) then so be it, there u go.

lelaina and jess need eachother. they feed off eachother. admittedly, together they create chaos but wihout them, without her, i would have nothing

so, just let me curl up with this sadness and be on your way.

and all apologies for wasting your time.

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