i need to stop falling for this girl in the mirror.

i had an amazingly beautiful day.

and i don't even feel guilty. i think.

i'm not sure.

it wasn't an exceptionally happy day as such, just very beautiful.

rain. alex. good conversation, open conversation.

he gave me compliments. he hadn't given me compliments since the firs month or so when things were wonderful and exciting and the like.

he said this:

"you sit there and say that i must think how transparent you are. truth be told, you are quite possibly more of a mystery to me than you were when we first started talking. and yes, i do love you and all your fucked up little ways."

--

i get the feeling this is all stemming from him feeling somewhat threatened with talk of a new boy in my life. i could be wrong, he cuold be quite genuine. although, in my experience that is rarely the case with this boy.

--

tomorrow night i am going to see bob dylan and ani d. i should be excited shouldn't i. i will be. give me time.

--

i hope this rain stays for awhile longer. i think i'm asking too much of it though. it's already been around for a week. but as of last night, i have a strong need for long sleeve weather. damn me and my weak spots. it doesn't even look good. it just looks messy. it's been awhile since i've had ones that look messy. i don't like it. although it is rather large. and all along it are small red and white dot/line things, from where i've gone over old scars. why am i still talking about this.

i should go.

i'm tired.

confused.

not making sense.

although thats nothing new.

when was the last time i experienced something new?

i need a cigarrette. yeah sure, thats a new experience.

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