morbidhippie's diary

morbidhippie's Diaryland Diary

Whats This? 2003-02-22 11:35 a.m.

i intrigue myself.

i disgust myself.

self image vs. others image vs. other self image.

where's the line?

i had it for awhile. always get glimpses of it.

i know the truth of it all.

and yes, i know that i'm too scared to acknowledge that.

i need to get away from here.

and to not have to come back.

i want my combi now.

i want to be able to go now.

my combi, my cat and my guitar.

and a world of endless possibilities.

and i would live it like a fantasy as he does.

but it won't work for me.

the reality of it all is far to close for me to be able to ignore it.

jesus christ i'm listening to avril lavigne.

i have a theory as to why i enjoy miss lavignes music, as well as miss vanessa carltons music so much at times.

when everything else is cryptic, when it's all to 'deep' to comprehend, you listen to some music that is completely lacking in irony, and pretend for awhile that you to can achieve that kind of clarity.

radiohead. thats better. a tad calmer.

i hate it when there's no words.

have to remember that i'm stoned right now.

it's normal to not make sense when you're stoned.

i always forget that, forget that i got stoned in the first place and wonder why things seem so 'weird'.

it's quite funny really.

"your opinion which is of no consequence."

it's not so much that i want to die.

more that i want to stop living.

and to be able to sit back, and watch myself die.

she'd look pretty while doing it.

but then again, she cried last night and i always fancied those girls that look beautiful when they cry, as though it could break someones heart just seeing her so sad.

but she didn't look pretty.

ambition makes you look pretty ugly.

kicking screaming gucci little piggy.

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hmm fun.

ahh dear. here it is again.