*let me get extra pathetic and excuse me for a moment.*

listen to what i have to say.

don't interrupt me.

decide whether or not you like me as a person and let me fucking know.

acknowledge that i hate you on so many levels.

that my negative feelings for you out weigh my positive feelings. by far.

i know that you'll be sad when you realise i'm not there anymore. when you realise that i was serious when i said that i can't be bothered with you anymore.

i want to be able to get away from a person who makes me feel like shit.

i apologise for being the way i am.

i feel bad because he doesn't like how i dress.

i feel bad because i'm not 'political'.

but now i know it doesn't matter.

in fact, i've always known but the thought of him was just so attractive (still is).

it's funny now.

i realised that you remind me of how i used to be.

do you have any idea how good that feels?

how i used to be

and i was a bitch.

and i could very rarely bring myself to say something nice about someone.

could very rarely admit when i was wrong, or even acknowledge the fact that i was wrong.

i held everyone else to a higher standard than i held myself.

but you're worse than i was.

you've no interest what so ever in growing as a person.

in 'expanding your mind'.

you are pathetic.

the most important thing here is the fact that you make me feel like shit.

i don't need that.

don't deserve that.

you don't take me seriously.

and yet you tell me that you do.

if you take me seriously then stop calling me a fucking stoner after i share an idea with you.

you refuse to discuss religion, spirituality, or philosophy of any kind.

i used to think this was because in some way you were "better than that.", that you were above it or some bullshit like that.

but no. all it is is that you read all your political propoganda books, and you might be well informed but from there you still don't take the time to form your own idea's or opinions on these things.

with religion, spirituality etc., it's not quite so easy to get an opinion that sounds authentic just from reading a book. this is something that involves 'pondering'.

and you're just not upto that.

you're pathetic alex.

nothing more than an insecure little fuck.

thanks for the experience, we both know this doesn't mean i'll be forgetting about you anytime soon.

but the main show is over.

i'm over it.

but it sure was fun while it lasted.

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