it's a horrible way to live your existence and i always thought i'd be better than that.

in all honesty, i think we all always knew that i wasn't.

damn.

that sucks.

ahh, so eloquent, am i not.

--

the worst is when i have to sit here awaiting inspiration.

i used to know exactly what i was feeling.

thinking.

what have you.

always the focus on thinking.

moulded it as though the focus was on making other people think.

that i didn't ave to worry about myself.

i have been so focused on vefremdung that i have forgotten what it is to feel.

i just don't care anymore.

but obviously i still do if i'm still sitting here, writing this.

as usual, she is full of pathetic contradictions.

and that same old word has returned yet again.

--

most of the time i just write because i enjoy seeing my fingers fly across the keys.

the words appearing on the screen.

this serves no other purpose than to amuse myself.

still not making sense.

--

jon is such a nice boy.

--

should be able to get some good writing done in the next couple of days.

going to mums place.

with a bag of weed and my trusty red pipe.

--

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