i'm frightened by the devil,

and i'm drawn to those who ain't afraid."

great song. even better cover version.

want truth?

i'm ready to give it.

-

once again i had taken it all way too far.

got too wrapped up in 'supposed to's and 'should be's and lost what i love.

i was scared because nothing felt comfortable anymore.

on monday night, i found it again.

for the first time in quite awhile

i saw red.

it was better than i could have ever imagined, better than i am able to fully comprehend.

i'd forgotten the

love

i felt with it.

was so overwhelmed.

and so after that, everything seems ok.

i don't feel quite so lost anymore.

don't feel quite so hopeless.

i feel as though i can keep everything under control now that i've remembered what i could feel.

-

i've been in an altered state alot more than usual, another thing that was bad at first but now seems to be returning to how i remembered it to be.

so good to be home.

-

a bad thing.

i've been telling lies.

not huge things, not sympathy stories.

just little things, things i can get away with easily and that harm no one.

it makes me feel good sometimes.

other times it makes me cringe, so i try not to think about it.

-

i still believe that i am surrounded by people who are walking a fine line between sanity and whatever else.

i still believe that they are all beautiful.

i still believe that i will do it one day, all my own hands, work, art.

still believe there's nothing wrong with that.

-

stopped thinking so much, let go of so much.

feels so good

still a hint there, but i ignore it.

it can come back later, right now i'm enjoying my holiday

-

so is she back?

who knows.

but for now, i'm half way to content.

i think.

we'll just leave it as yes.

no need for interruptions now.

-

feel so free.

and still trapped, but simply beautiful.

in a complex kind of way.

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