feeling upbeat and funky

and weird and disorientated

women who i'm destined to be

have the potential to scare the shit out of me.

so lost and wondering wondering wondering

it just never stops

thinking

5 lines

always thinking wondering wondering and thinking

never stops

never quiet

sometimes non existant but i'm never alone to feel it

-

so tell me to get a job

get off my ass and into a life

save my money and come and see you

do your readings and i'll do my dancing

beach people sunshine love

i can handle that

i love sad jeff buckley.

-

this song reminds me of my darling girl

the day we parted i listened to this for hours

singed at the top of my lungs 'kiss me, please kiss me'

god how i loved you.

last week i had a meeting with your other half

turns out you knew the whole time

believe who you will, should feel regret but i dont

'did you say, no this can't happen to me'

you didn't know him at all

sister

-

but i still love this girl immensely

she's beautiful, and i'm not just saying that

she was the kind of girl whos beauty stuns you

-

i stood above her for a long time

i kept giving her shit to see how much she could take

how much until she'd tell me to stop, tell me to leave

she never did

they never do

i did it to many beautiful people

they never told me to stop

why not?

never wanted to give the satisfaction

perhaps they were in on it to

but always i was wanting someone to do it to me

someone to fuck me around and treat me like shit

so i could take it and hate it and be so fuelled with emotion that i would break

and scream

and shock us both with my ability to feel anger

i want unrestricted emotion

passion

anything with passion

what do i have

-

lots of words

half formed

everything

-

still just need to disappear

i'll never be complete

i've never expected that from another person, never

but i see it now

i won't get it with myself

it's unattainable

perhaps it is for everyone

perhaps not

but it is for this little black duck

(don't ask where that came from. i could tell you if you did, but just don't)

well i've been missing an irish mystic and celebrating a 70th birthday tonight

and all the while existing in my other life

i see parallels everywhere

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