(ambition makes you look pretty ugly)

so

there is a choice to be made.

both scenarios could work

i could make them work

both could be good and livable

one will involve sadness and art and words

the other love making people and places

i am in love with my best friend and can admit it freely

it is more amazing than anything i have ever felt

no urgency about it

no desperation, or a need to hear it said back to me

i just know it

and it's calm and peace and beauty and i thank you

and you know you're special

-

and that does not effect my choice

i know whichever i do, that feeling will not die or subside

it doesn't come into it much at all

this is about me

which is right for me

i've a feeling i'll be off again

we know that school will be no more

(yes i'm dropping out with 6 months to go. silly perhaps but i'm following my soul here)

so that doesn't come into it

i can stay here, with a job and sadness and writing

or i can go and see things experience and do

if anyone has a suggestion, i'd love to hear it

i'm neutral right now

i'm looking at it objectively (i think) and trying to reach a decision

i've a feeling i'll end up going

i think it's right

i've been following that feeling lately and nothing but good things have happened

i had a beautiful week, undisturbed and beautiful

i knew who i was and there weren't times when i doubted it

i was comfortable (even had my scars showing)

-

i feel a peacefulness

the choice is myne now

the peace is here and can very easily turn into unrest and quite possibly it will

probably it will

either way

all up to me

doing it for myself

this is good i should be happy now

i like to think someone is smiling for me and can see what this means

i smile for you

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