you're hardly ever nice

you put on this big fake act that i see straight through, problem is i still haven't really figured out what lies beneath it

one day?

that might take the fun away

you still make me feel like shit but i've almost become immune

obviousl incredibly insecure

scared of so many things

you're an asshole

and the more i think about it, the more i realise i should hate you

and in a way i still do

but i do love you

on a couple of levels mostly for your mind

-

perhaps i really don't

-

perhaps

-

so let me see why i love me so much.

she's stunning first of all.

takes my breath away

she comforts

she whispers and the sound of her voice is like magic

she's just so fucking cool

just sits there and watches the world pass her by

doesn't worry about a thing

i could never be that girl

i'm fidgety

and i'm too loud sometimes and too quiet at others

i'm weird to talk to

i say strange things and people rarely know what i mean

i rarely know what i mean

but she does

-

i love myself because i could never be myself

or i am myself

and i could never be the self i wish i was

so perhaps i should stop wishing and start doing

perhaps look at ways that i can become the girl in the mirror

stop saying stupid things

stop doing stupid things

then i wouldn't be me so it's a roundabout circle that wil never make sense so i shouldn't even bother anymore

perhaps i shouldn't bother with any of it because none of it's ever going to make sense

and i know that

it's like before

perhaps that would take the fun away

if i knew it all, had it all figured out

perhaps i'd be dead

so what am i wishing for here again?

so if answers lie with death perhaps death is the answer

now that makes fucking sense

-

so

i love you

and you love a girl you've never met (got that so figured out, it's all about fear baby, all about fear)

and i love myself and have countless crushes on countless boys and girls

you'll never speak honesty to me and i don't know if you really ever have

you're just as fucked as i am and you refuse to admit it

to yourself

but i see it and you know that

you fucking know that

and you're scared of that to

i see it sometimes

when i say something that really hits i see you mentally recoil and shut off from me

you do it alot and it fucking pisses me off

-

god dammit i hadn't fet like this for so long and i like it that way

fucking liked it that way

i need a cone

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