sunday night

sound lab has just begun

somethings telling me i should go to bed

(though i don't know why)

but i just

don't want to.

-

once again

i forgot that i don't have a bedroom tonight

and left all my stuff in there

except for

things that you smoke.

and my tapes

-

thoughtful pause

-

a birthday tomorrow

im beginning to think of

birthdays

as

empty rituals

-

is that kind of sad?

what is that?

it's the same with everything though

christmas funerals easter

having a small child in the house has also made me notice alot of things

if she is quiet it must mean that she's hungry

she is always

fussed over

have to make sure she's

occupied

eating

they feed her

when she obviously does not want to eat

they fuss when she is

obviously

quite content doing what she's doing.

she's pretty intense really

(kind of freaks me out sometimes)

-

do you get those moments

of clarity perhaps

when you realise that everything

everything

is just such bullshit

the whole existence of man

time

space

religions

conversations

family

relationships

thinking

breathing

-

it's all just

bullshit

and it's quite funny.

and there's this feeling of

coolness

(hip)

that goes with it.

for me anyway

(like pj harveys voice)

-

i think most of the

things

i have done

over the last

(my whole life)

has also

been

absolute bullshit.

and

it's also

quite funny.

(and i feel cool knowing that to.)

-

what happens

when

we get sick

of it all being bullshit

when

we decide that

(i should stop here)

we want to know why shit like that happens.

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