notice how i

play with fire

place my cigarettes close to my skin

(yes it left a burn no i didn't admit it)

run knives along my hand and

accidently

cut my finger

-

just for a couple of drops of blood wasn't even really worth it

-

but why is that

i lie in bed and think about you and then that turns to blades on skin and red blood dripping like wax down a bottle

-

think about how nice it is for a couple of days after cutting to be able to touch it and feel the

roughness

of a scab

peel it off

how in the shower it would becom yellow and mucus like and you can

scratch it off

with your fingernails

-

would you let me do that

(dejavu)

no just repeatitive.

-

panic attack

amanda

what was that?

it was something big

i had felt that before

(5 times)

i knew it

-

(this time)

i'm going to keep it to myself.

-

BUT IT MAKES ME WANT TO HURT MYSELF

-

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