i wish to exist in you forever

nothing else seems satisfying, nothing feels more like home than you and

you're not even real

(physical)

the knowledge and comfort in the raptures of imaginary love

where are you darling where are you

-

everything else is just a distraction everything else is just a facade

reality lies with you

happiness

(my god is wrong)

his god is fucked

-

i spent the night watching movies with christians

they fast forward the sex scenes - a life of restrictions of boredom they don't live

they feel that their souls are saved so there is nothing more to be done, nothing left to find, nothing left to know

they don't bther with knowledge

with trying to find their own answers

they live by the rules believing that they'll go to a special place when they die

well

you're already dead

this is where you go when you die, no such thing as heaven or hell

just earth

life

-

death is nothing

death is to stop.

-

fuck you

fuck everything i'm so sick of it all

i'm so sick of my pathetic lack of courage in any shape or form

i'm so fucking sick of myself

jessica taylor

jessica kate taylor

the name means nothing to me

the name should mean nothing to everyone

the name shoud be the name of someone else i don't deserve to be living

(yes you do - you do deserve it. you're fucked, life is fucked - perfect)

i'm angry and i don't like it

-

i'm angry because i'm feeling disillusioned

i'm angry because there is nothing in my life that comes from another person that is worth living for

i'm angry because i have not yet encountered one person who would 'love' me no matter what and accept me and everything and who would fucking UNDERSTAND

(and embrace)

no one.

fucking no one.

-

fuck you.

fuck everyone

i would die tonight and many people would be so

fucking

devastated

the funny thing is no one has clue - i've tried, many times to tell people, to 'communicate, reach out'

no one fucking cares

no one fucking cares enough to listen and to take it FUCKING SERIOUSLY

even now

people

idiotic people are reading this and none of you are taking it fucking seriously

no one i know takes me seriously and

why the fuck should they

-

so i just exist by myself

and wonder why i'm not fucking

complete

wonder why i never feel

right

(FUCK YOU)

-

fuck every single person i have ever known

-

i would die tonight and people would be devastated but WHY

why.

-

people don't REALLY care

all people really care about is themselves

i'm a perfect fucking example

self centered idiotic fuck head

with a limited vocabulary and nothing for inspiration except

(sleeping self loathing)

that decided to wake up

!FUCK YOU!

i'm sorry but i'm so fucking sick of everything i want to shoot it all to pieces

i don't want to live

exist

have to wake up tomorrow morning

i don't want to know that there is such a thing as the 'sun', the 'earth' or the 'sky'

i just don't want to fucking know

i wish humanity

fuck that, i wish the entire spectrum of any form of existence was nothing

i wish there was nothing

(nothing is a fantastical concept)

no one could ever fully experience nothing

has nothing ever been in 'existence'?

has nothing ever been something real

-

so why

why don't i just dial your number and listen to you breathe?

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