i have to go to work soon but all morning all i've wanted to do is sit down and write and think of you

i'm really i love with all the things you can do to me

all the evil thoughts that get planted in my head, all the hurt i remember that i didn't have to feel

all the people who i offered up my body too, hoping that by giving them some kind of cheap satisfaction i would in some small dosage feel better about myself

listening to fiona apple, remembering moments we've shared and promises made (intending on being broken)

sharing secrets and stories and hopes and wishes and Fears

and truth.

-

some how, you stumbled across me

without knowing a thing i immediately effected you and (i'd always wanted to do that to someone)

-

i love having plans to surprise you at work

i love being in the position of uncertainty over abortion simply because it's a position i got into out of love

(did that make sense at all?)

-

sonnet called me last night

beautiful sonnet

i feel he'll write me love song

(shadow boxer baby)

-

work

i don't want to go to work

(tonight, instead of seeking out some pot like i really should be doing, i feel i would be able to quickly benefit from it to, i'm going to go see you..wait outside your work to get maybe just 10 minutes with you)

i just want to see your face

and you're worrying and stressing over me and this possibility of

a child

and wow

you are so fucking beautiful

-

darling - thank you so much for everything that you've already bought to me

thank you thank you thank you

(with all my indecisiveness and uncertainty - i'm really really in love with you)

and all those other things, that one other person - it's going to be a constant - it doesn't take anything away from what i feel for you

and you acknowledged that and i'm glad you did.

darling, i love you

(i've been a bad bad girl)

-

i'm listening to this through headphones and wow - it's so hard to listen to fiona and not sing out loud

but i think i'd sing a little too out loud

and since i can't hear myself

i'd sound like shit

and i don't think my dad would appreciate it

(heaven help me for the way i am)

i really like that having this whole album is just...finally getting hold of songs i've had seperately for ages

and some new ones

(i got alot to lose)

baby

it's nice

-

right now i'm just rambling crap.

i don't want to go to work and i can only listen to this cd on my computer

(because for some reason, even though it works in here, on our dvd player and in bens car...it refuses to work i the stereo in my room)

retard

(wow. i don't believe i'd ever used the word 'retard' in this diary. or any diary. wow..)

and i've noticed i say 'wow' ALOT

but.......wow, it's just such a great word, and i'm constantly in this state of being 'wowed' by things....even tiny little small things (wow, really over accentuating that weren't you..)

but wow

it's a fantastic word

-

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