it's all such bullshit

all for nothing

-

incredible at how

easily disposed of i am

-

just a passing phase

convenient distraction

well fuck you.

-

(why's it aching?)

-

sydney in what...3 days?

(your love)

emptiness

darkness

forever

-

a quote and a question

people running scared of truth of

possibilities

i'm just scared of thoughts

-

wanting something but what

what could save me now

pointless

ben said i make it hard for people

people give up and walk away because i make them want to help me

but i'll never be helped

(who are you?)

i'm sick of sitting in this fucking bus terminal

(i will unwrap him, just like a present, i will discard him just when i want to)

thank you.

-

i hate feeling this nothingness

trying to numb myself to myself and i don't know if it works or not

my life is so empty

-

and thats not just self pity talking, it's true

i need to fix things but i don't know how

i don't what to fill my life and time with

-

dreams about being scared of death and pain, of global destruction that i somehow live through, names written on paper to prove that they're real

and him

in my dreams

beautiful as ever but it's.not.real

-

i don't even know if it's actually Him that i'm missing or just

how beautiful he is

physically

sucking on his energies

dave was right

i'm a psychic vampire

and as far as marks concerned

i'm a sexual vampire

(this is fucked)

i'm hoping that this whole last couple of weeks is just some kind of

darkest hour before the dawn

-

i don't know what more could come though

i've cheated something

living on borrowed time and it doesn't make me feel good anymore

directionless

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