sometime

in my sleep

ran straight over me

flattened me

i am vertical

but i don't want to be.

-

the dream bus is coming

fighting, clawing my way up through depths of unconscious

grasping onto something, anything

i am awake

alive

i am real?

words prove the validity of my existence

i am whole

a hole

-

in colours i can breathe

still an ache for you

the smell of you

buried in my hair

the cigarettes and the sex and the love burning out, leaving a collection of ash for us to clean up, scatter in the wind

like leaves

falling the tree

of personal flaws

-

if i would die for you somehow that would make a life complete

i would be mourned properly i would be remembered

as a martyr of love and of life

i am nothing but i am all

i am things which no one can see or know

the light is blinding

the beauty is blinding

i am deafening

-

if you were to die for me it could serve as an excuse to end my own life faster

you are the breath that graces my lips, just for a moment

you are all that i am

-

in a thought and an ache we live, survive

multiply

the pure desperation that is this sordid affair

we know nothing

of what we do

the damage

we're leaving in our wake

you talk of truth and honesty and fairness

fairness

if life was a game there would be no rules

instead life is a lesson a school

full of discipline

and restriction

-

i caught that train while it was moving

smacked me off my feet and left me battered bruised bleeding and beaten

i am defeated.

i am defeat

-

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