-

1499..

hmm click click click, you're crazy

darling..

you have no idea

-

but i do

like my wrists

-

i like that they

smell

like him and

i bit them before

biiig hard bites

that left pretty

pinkish purple marks

circles

almost.

(in my peach..party dress)

she looked glamorous

biting her wrists

demigods.

-

and he's soured to the world and down and out and theres no point in me saying anything

so i use the excuse of a cigarette and retreat to my room and yes, i roll a cigarette..intending to smoke it but i get distracted

with the reason i had to go to my room

fingers fingers because i feel soooo good

and you

i don't even need you there

you've had me ah-ah-ahhhing more than you know...

-

so now my hands they smell like sex

and you

and wow...

-

but still

you say you're half a world away

blocking

theres nothing i can say.

perhaps

i am

just good

when

-

hmmmm

shhhh....

i've been writing alot

in

bright colours

textas.

i like it alot.

-

i like my wrists because

they look bony

(do they??)

they're nice wrists.

i think my hands are mostly awkward.

i'm liking shaved legs

and i'm glad that i dyed my hair.

like it alot.

-

limp wristed.

hmmm pretty little boy with curled eyelashes...

he's lost tonight and i can't help him when i'm all the way up here.

and he doesn't

want

to be helped.

-

tied hands.

both hands.

hmmm

-

back again hands

hmmm all over me pleeeease

-

can't stop it baby............

-

but i've been writing lots

(like i started to say..or did i maybe finish, no idea)

and i think 'm seeing

truths

or

something real.

bold.

hmmm

-

maybe just writing so much because i'm overflowing..with something

what is it?!

-

dreams

that aren't like normal dreams at all and

this thing

which i guess is like dejavu but different...not as intense, not really a shock just a ...oh, it's happening again

soft

maybe

-

dreams when i don't realise i've fallen asleep because i've just been watching the pictures and i keep seeing the pictures, and i hear my music and..

more like

some kind of trance

than sleep.

and then the

pulling myself up

up

(this has only just started happening...i always felt like i fell back into my waking self)

up

into life

and sunshine

and the sore body.

-

(eeeek she should shut up..)

no don't

i like to hear about it.

-

i'm struggling with something.

really really struggling.

from

looking back

(it's maybe even documented..)

there have been moments where maybe..maybe? thngs seemed to get better

but on the whole

things seem to be spiralling

spiral

hmmmm snowballing even..

-

i'm going to have to do something one day.

something final.

i need to kill myself or i need to stop myself

do the silent not gettng out of bed thing

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