Confusion in love can add a complicating factor into your life, but it's not as bad as it could be. Ultimately, this uncertainty serves a purpose and that is to loosen you from your preconceived assumptions. If you've drawn rigid lines of definition between friends and lovers, current circumstances could test these boundaries. Don't worry about doing the right thing. You will. Instead, concern yourself with keeping your heart open to those you love.

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yeah.

i just had to put it somewhere

-

took forever to get to sleep last night..lay down and turn the light off..one..two..three hours

smoking in the dark.

and then

7:30 this morning

my phones ringing

good god why is anyone calling me at this time of the morning?

my sister

i didn't answer it.

-

had more strange dreams

amanda was

there alot

and hr mum and she couldn't see me for some reason

and i go kicked out of these peoples house

sarahs maybe

they wanted to feed me but i refused.

-

i did something bad last night

well semi bad

i think it's something that he's done to me wice already

but.......he made it easy

secret question: my birth date?

and so...lots of girls in his life

and

matchmaking services

what is the fucking deal with that.

and miss penny lane

who he seems to be so close wth

he hasn't told anyone about me.

and then these folders..of beautiful things, interesting things and nice letters..

and they're her.

that girl, miss....butterfly

it's ok

it was a little strange at first but then it clicked

the dates

may be recent but it's all from

last year

so who the hell really cares.

but i don't know why i did it

there's a reason somewhere

there has to be right..

and plus

he did it to me

i wondr if he felt as revolted as i did

i bet he would've

countless replied to emals from

Benny Rissole

(thats not his real last name..it's parsons...apparantly it was a joke though..i don't get it. at all)

hmm speaking of him

i get a msg from him

the other night

saying that

we still think about eachother constantly, this is obviously not going away

we will be friends

and all in good time

like..he's totally in control over the wholee situation

which

he kind of is

i guess

eek

who cares

-

i think another boy i work with is starting to form a crush on me again

or rather..

yesterday

after weeks of

having fun with eachother everyday at work, dancing and making faces - giant smiles, whatever else

yesterday

hmmmm

we seemed to notice eachother....strange strange

mr sound and vision...with his green hair

so not my thing but..yes, there it is

i got the sad sad face when i left at 5 and he had another hour to go...

ohhh....he wanted to walk home with me

-

so tomorrow i'm going to brisbane

hmmm tomorrow

i plan on getting incredibly drunk and stoned on the way there

i think it's the only way i'll be able to handle it

i've no doubt that i'll arrive to find mark in a similair state so it's ok really

maybe we'll fall asleep instead of having sex...yes, i'm sure you will jess..

-

hmmm i think he was tre again in my dream last night

i think we were being close

intimate

physical

always nice

alwys

nice.

-

dan

the guy who lives on our couch

left 2 cds

next to the computer for me to find

sinead o'connors greatest hits and ani's up up up up up

hmm the sinead o'connor one could maybe grow on me..i think up up etc. already has..

it's been playing on repeat for about

7 hours

yeah....and it's still going.

-

so brisbane tomorrow.

i have no idea how i'm coming back

i should maybe

do something about that

shouldn't i

wouldn't want to be stranded in brisbane....

the drive down with ben should be good i think

really good...

we can have ben and jessica chats...

i like ben and jessica chats..

he has a nice way of thinking about things,totally different to anyone else i've ever known

i cleaned up my room last night....changed my sheets and found my red t shirt...it was great

there was a bug in my bed

a big one

wasn't very nice

i'm glad i changed the sheets

-

the other weekend

when i was in brisbane

as mark and i were walking away from the train station i saw this girl

who was about to cross the street with what looked like her boyfriend

and she was cute..all dressed up lik a little...eeek..goth punk

whatever...that look

and she had this 3/4 sleeve shirt on

and all over her wrists, i mean All Over them

were these cuts

like..just little ones, scratches even..but her arms were absolutely covered in them

little ones like that don't take long to heal so they must;ve been fresh too

i had to stop and tell mark, say that she was beautiful...he hated hated hated it and didn't comment, just kept on walking

i was thinking last night

i should've

walked up to her

and asked if i could kiss her arms

and i would kiss them, each of them

lightly

just once

each

and then

maybe

touch her hair

or something

hold her hands

and kiss her lips

on the corner

at the traffic lights

at whatever street it was.

i really should have done that.

-

hmmm

i snuck into his email

and i have him blocked..

my pretty mouth will framee the phrases that will disprove your faith in man

darling.........

hmmm i guess i'll just talk to you tomorrow.

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