(hello)

come back from the

solid week

(Smack)

and mr

Concrete Junglist

finds himself in a bit of a predicament

because

(ohhhhh)

because

(i'm your whore)

because...he says

besides myself, the only person i love more, is you.

besides myself, the only person i fear more, is you.

besides myself, the only person i can relate to more, is you.

---------

calm the fuck down.

---------

no......

-

loud tonight

all week

what a week..solid week

amanda.

i'm not scared of penises anymore.

well....not as scared.

-

i lllllllllike it.

--------

i like the trashy see-through passion

i like the

excess

-

i like it.

--------

(hmm...i'm listening to marilyn manson? yes, it's true. and.....AH! i like it too..)

---------------------------------------

clean slate.

-

i let go because i find myself somewhere in him.

seems i like my head buried so that it's a struggle

to breathe.

----------

stinging lips and the taste of blood

in our mouths

-----------

(you were into it)

-----------

i was lustful.

wow.

Whore.

(it's a good thing. tell the kids.)

------------

i masturbated on a bus tonight.

while watching the count of monte cristo and Really getting into the plot..

thinking about mark..and writing..and elbow..and whatever else and just

yeah

keeping busy

feeling nice.

-

he already knows about it.

hahahahahaha

i called him and told him..wow

wow

--

i just don't know.

about anything.

i doubt it all, none of it's right but it's all so Perfect

not just with him but with the whole

world of

well.......my whole world.

it's

intoxicating.

-

addictive

and....it's nice to know i'm not a lone junkie

(jess, what are you talking about? no idea...)

-

someone please fucking download 'red', 'fugitive motel', and 'newborn' by elbow..

and..listen to marilyn...go on..get into it

and

just listen to taste in men....and..in context. ohhhhh....grrrrrrr i llllike it.

-

i'm just lost.

really really lost

to the point where it feels good

my reaction to everything is to laugh

well not everything but

bad things...blood killing tragic death whatever i just find it so amusing

people are starting to find it weird

-

can i just say

i'm amazed at the new heights my pain threshold has soared to

beautiful.

grrrreat.

-

i don't know don't know don't know.

a boy who sings.

-

a boy with mood swings.

wow. how's the

'i'm not taking my eyes off of you' thing whilst getting up from the table (kicking your toe) walking backwards to the kitchen pouring us both some whiskey, getting coke from the fridge and so on and so forth till i'm sitting back down..'

wow. how is it?

i don't even remember if you actually stopped then....at least we know if mark was blind he'd still be able to be an alchoholic..your eyes didn't move.

how did you do that?

-

feels like a challenge?

feels like falling in (!!!)

lost in a lullaby.

do it.

-

maybe ambition in the way of

reflexilogy

i could

do it

be careful jess.

-

i'm a little worried about her you know.

just a little.

or a lot, it weighs right in the front half of my head sometimes.

i don't know what to do.

-

there's just this big nothingness.

but at the same time

i'm overwhelmed.

so there is an overabundance

of life.

------------------------------------

reading over this entry.................what the fuck am i talking about?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

previous - next