----------

she's so quiet

the days are

the days are

strange

flowing

rolling

-

running into one another...endless

horrible

-

directionless wandering aimlessness

motivation?

motivation for fuck

(no idea)

just so blank

it's 3:17

(who remembers east 17? i've been wanting to ask someone that for days)

i started drinking

rum

today at

2

something

i got stoned as soon as i woke up but..i didn't really want to

---------------

i ate something

big

some wedges

last night i

well i don't know, something strange happened i thought

maybe i was going to pass out

or die

or something

just really dizzy - LOUD - vision just...whoa

and sam was there and he asked about

food

and i kept saying i need to eat need to eat

(i was fixing myself some icecream..jess, whats happened??)

and then i just need to sit down

i was really struggling

to remain

composed

or something to remain

afloat

didn't want to hit my head knew tha i needed comfort darkness just sat down

in the big black chair and

whoooooooooooooooooo

my whole body just falls back into itself..my eyes are still funny and my ears, voice, head, throats all weird and sams till there looking like he wants answers and Now and

i say that i've been freaking out about shit, alot of really weird shits been happening and i don't know what to do...days weeks months..years even i said

don't know what to do.

but i was smiling

please don't worry about it

i'm ok, i'm just

a little lost but it's..ok

-------------------

i don't know either

but then i ate my ice cream and felt ok

standing up, couldn;t seem to really do it for long

wow, a couple more episodes but none that bad and no more with an audience

i don't know...don't know

-------------------

listened to elbow yet? you should listen to their song 'i got your number' or something like that

yes..........please do

-------------------

he keeps asking me for an email

mark

does

and i think well

what am i going to say

-------------------

i feel like

letting

go

but i'm not sure......

i don't know

i don't know

ohh bek bek

-----------------

she doesn't even read this you know

but....i just

call for her

sometimes, i don't know

(grow a fucking heart love.....thats the reason you should listen to this song, just that line..and maybe the one about the sex toys)

-------------------

theres coffee on the wall

5 drops of coffee

i dropped a cup

on myself

yesterday

of coffee

it was hot

and i was wearing my pants and...it seriously looked as though i had wet myself.

yeah..

hot

-

but theres some on the wall

how odd.

------------

maybe theres something wrong with me...i's a possibility you know

ahhhh no, i don't know....don't know

------------

at least i know i'm not drowning alone.

------------

cold comfort

perhaps

------------

see

this is exactly it

an email of this?

wow, how brilliant

how brilliant.

-

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