tingle

you know

that tingle

extreme sounds

extreme

happenings

-

all spaced out and ethereal perhaps

perhaps

cosmo

sleeping on my arm

-

moving to a rhythm a Beat

Beat

-

recycled words

your exterior fading he says

like your skins falling off of you he says

even ani difranco can't say so..the way you are...

he says

all toothless and such

-

and i'm just reluctant all round really

just you know

no fucking idea

trying to feel ok perhaps

perhaps

trying to feel

i don't know something..there is something there must be

everythings all messy colours

all scribbled words on serviettes with coffee stains

and wet socks

dirty pants

your perfumes amazing.

it's the oil people use in oil burners..vanilla

yeah

spiffy.

-

it's sad

i might bleed tonight.

i'm not sure if i want to.

i know how it will go

the toilet paper is so white

and soft

and i wear all these bracelets

that totally cover my favourite little pink scars so

if i take all my bracelets off

my tape measure and purple ribbon

and get out the razorblade

i found yesterday

(it's amazing looking, i've never seen anything like it. i wish i could take a photograph. it was a beautiful moment when i found it...first this boy came hrough my register at work and bought a set of stanley knives..they're 1.99, there's so many varieties you would not believe...like, 5 different brands...and these 3 packs of knives..3 different sizes. but...i've only ever looked. annd he came through, and bought them and he just Looked Sad and when he handed them to me..there were 2 big scars on his wrists and, i think maybe i dropped something...and i made this little sigh noise, and down on the ground i spotted this blade that had just fallen out of these amazing silver little knives that the packers use...finished the sale, all empathy and such and then..casually picked up the blade...i think the supervisor girl allissa saw me pick it up before i left and carry it out with me but...it doesn't matter. wow.)

get out the razorblade and give myself a

big

Big

gash

really big i think

wow, i could go so far, it's been so long

the pure pleasure that would come simply from being able to slice my Wrist

because wow

isn't it different there

to anywhere else

-

but i don't know

reluctance see

reluctance all round

maybe i'll just smoke some joints and drink more and smoke lots of cigarettes and probably just...sit...and stare and drink and smoke...maybe write some crap in my book...textas..i might have fun with colour actually

i think thats what i'll do

the guy on the couch probably wats his bed..couch...whatever

and benny

benny

present but not tonight aren't you

oh by the way

my dreams

amazing last night

miss bek

i found you while sleepwalking

hmmm

miss bek

oh to miss.

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