my lovely beautiful one and only miss bek

today in a hospital in brisbane

has to pull the cord

on her mothers life support system.

the machines flash pretty colours she says

no more tears she says

not today.

i'm scared

she says.

-

yesterday

it all happened yesterday

out of nowhere

aneurism

stroke

blood

brain damage

operations

vegetable

you have to make the choice

valium.

-

i wish to wrap her up more than ever

i wish to rip out every part of her that is hurting and scared and lost and angry

and paint myself with it and in turn give her all the light and love i have in me

ohh miss bek

i want to hold her in my arms, i want to kiss her forehead, stroke her hair, hold her hands

let her beat me when she feels overwhelming anger at whoever it is that controls things like this

the living

and the unexpectedly dying

let her cry into my chest

tell her it's going to be ok, she's going to be ok

(how utterly useless)

sing beth orton to her

it'll pass in time...

-

she was so

strong

when she called

her voice didn't crack

she even

finished telling me

and said

'on a brighter note

i saw pj on the front cover of a magazine'

she is amazing.

miss bek.

miss bek.

my whole heart is with you today

for as long as you need it.

she'll be here soon

i'll wrap her up

and never let her go.

i love her.

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