beth says this was inevitable

thom says he wants to be someone else or he'll explode

-

and i just don't know.

i'm still silenced.

it's

(it's spinning plates)

tightrope

feels like hands around throats and white knuckles

like twisted arms chinese burns

but no, no thats not right

it feels great.

-

it feels like infidelity

it feels like cheating on myself

it feels logical because really take a look at yourself.

fuck.

-

you're attracting alot of attention.

you're going crazy.

and everybody's watching.

you can tell when we all start falling.

-

and i find dreams come back in strange visions when i realise that i didn't watch a movie like that didn't see it on tv

-

i find moments fall into place.

i feel a resistance somewhere in me

i feel a dry mouth and i don't think it's from the pot.

mr concrete junglist may bring a gift of datura? how sweet.

-

it will be getting home from work at 10:30 and then waking up at 3am to a tapping on my window wearing underpants and 2 shirts

it will be not going back to sleep?

it will be the sun coming up and

the sounds of people getting ready for work.

words catch in my throat my fingers

stumble.

it will be coffees and catch up conversation

a shower

maybe i won't want to though.

it will be a walk to work and then goodbye and then

8 hours of the warehouse.

-

it's totally understandable

it's so understandable that

(this is a true story)

sitting on my bed then in front of the tv, not moving a muscle just thinking of you

post conversation, post ms apple, post arrangements made

i had multiple orgasms i was unable to move for awhile i was

shit i lost my breath

and i was just sitting there.

not moving

don't you wish you had my mind?

-

no. stupid question. sorry.

-

(it's the strangest life i've ever known)

-

but pay no attention to me really

everythings fine.

i'm quite excited.

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