i feel awkward writing in here.

-----------

they've all been heavy. except for thursday afternoon, mornings with amanda, and then kane. but

fuck. smell of bacon. crackling. how disgusting. he's officially member of the moremoremore movement.

ad it makes me sad. and angry.

-----------

i need to

-----------

(i'm on a roll)

i need to try and cam down because

thats the whole point to thiss.

abandonded plans.

i don't want to be anywhere

expecting more

from so many people

so much more from myself i'm such a

wasteful person.

hello life, let me scrunch you up and throw you in the bin..

i go back to work on wednesday.

i really don't want to, i don't know if i can, i may just walk out again.

thinking alot abut taking baths.

you know what that will mean.

thinking about..what to do with things, bother with organisation or just leave things the way they are

there's maybe 3 people who i'd want to cry

oh, 5 actually. i've only met 2 of them.

everyone else

i want to give them all big fuck you's

i want them to

nevermind, but big fuck you's

fuck you to every

moment

i've ever found myself in.

-

hmm lovely. not even 10:30 in the morning.

i climbed in my bedroom window last night.

because my dad and the janet wanted me out out out and i had nowhere to go and no desire to be anywhere but in bed

or in a bath

and intruder.

slapslap.

-

....slow down

(i sat down behind the building you work in and stuffed greasy kfc (a burger, chips And a drumstick) down my throat then sparked a cigarette and found myself with tears catching on my jacket and a face that belonged in the rain)

it was inevitable

i'm 17.

this isn't how life is supposed to be.

hahahahhaha. oh dear. (totally off track) miss bek a little while ago visited me at work and gave me a gift of (hahahaha ahh shit, i should change the song) a little happy vagina compilation cd that she'd made up..complete with lionel richies 3 times a lady as the second track...oh, and look..even now, she makes me laugh...hmm mwah)

-----------

hmm yes..not how lifes meant to be.

fuck it.

fuck it fuck it.

i'll be ok.

laughing does wonders.

sweeping.

just like that.

see that???????

-

FUCK!

-

this diary is one big fat

__$*$^*#$*^#$*__

yeah.

-

worried because it takes amazing amounts of energy to get through One Day at a Time.

to try and fathom tomorrows, to try and fathom..plans

i need to stay in bed

i need to fucking run away or something.

and food. i turn to food. fuck it.

bacon and cheese fucking sandwich here i come.

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