i could

say all these things...

spit out hateful words

with no purpose, no real grounding

or..?

anyway

why

i can't be fucked, they lack passion of any sort.

love of sex. love?

don't talk to me about sex, please.

it's all i can smell and it's putrid. whats the bet i'm fucking pregnant now.

see? hmm

----------------

just brushed it off, i just brushed him off

after taking the flowers and eating the dinner and riding the -

(!!)

ohhh

hmmmm

----------------------

but everything was

tinged pink and red, blue and green

ohhhhhhh upside down.....inSide Out.

----

change everything you are..

-----

you know i think i could call him my muse.

best, got to be the best.

but...oh, nevermind

-

watching him

like a tv

was

----------------------------

like nothing i've ever seen before

oh how does she live with that

fuck.

-

i've really got to stop.

sell your memories

i wouldn't be surprised if the thought of me made you feel ill.

honestly, you've got good reason.

so do i.

i think, who can tell anymore.

-

hmmmmm if it was you i wouldn't be able to keep my hands to myself

i almost even started screaming your name out this morning

god, did you feel that?

came out of nowhere, that position and YOUR NAME

pounding in my brain.

after i noticed and came

i rolled over and cried

3 tears.

-

--------------------------------

--------------------------------

-

really blank, removed, detatched.

i.....you have to be.

tell me why you're sick.

tell me your life story, please. i feel like i don't really know very much about you? i'd like to know more. everything.

hopelessly

do you know what i'm doing?

it all needs to stop. got to get out, break habits!

break habits

if the moment ever comes.

-

flights of fancy...mesmerised

he had a new tablecloth (pink and purple?) scented candles a shrine to wine.

i didn't mention this but last week

at my suggestion he played the doors.

can you imagine?

he bought a bottle of scotch..oh guess

sick isn't it. really.

-------------------

flowers...lillies? purple and yellow, really beautiful.

in a jar in my room, i think i should give them to a random somebody else

i feel guilty

i'm way too familiar with it.

------------------

i don't know what it is. if i could blame it on the song or nothing else or physical desire or or or

i don't know what it is.

and something

ahhhh something

(i'm sure i heard you sigh)

you feel the same as i do.

are you hanging your head in shame?

are you scared as shit of me?

i think you are. and i hate it. and i don't blame you.

----

i want to say don't be

but really i should just SHUT THE FUCK UP.

(jessica)

ha

-

noideanoideanoedeaonoedeainodeaniodeadnodeanoedianodeiandoeandiedandoedadnoidea.

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