morbidhippie's Diaryland
Diary
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2004-08-17
9:53 p.m.
and everything comes to stand for nothing horror of horrors, the enter button on my keyboard has died. which just makes this irritating. and impossible. so i won't. how annoying. but i was going to say that i am still feeling happy, and i haven't gotten stoned yet today and it's nearly 10pm! amazing..i will be soon but thats ok. and that i may go to sydney in a month or so, just for a week or something. and i'll probably be moving back to the sunshine coast late this year or early next. and it will be lovely i think. i'm ready. and i found the parcel. it was a little note and...well well well, i don't know, whatever. it was gorgeous. i...yeah. love is suicide. lovely. my cat really loves me. it's so sweet, she even follows me around sometimes now..comes outside to watch while i hang out the washing. and such big kisses. and she sleeps under the covers with me and we curl into eachother, i don't mind leaving a gap in the sheets so she can breathe because she keeps my back warm...hmm i need some people in my life. ha. my sisters beautful by the way. i was going to dedicate a whole entry to her even, and i will..when i get my new keyboard, which will probably be thursday. cosmos head is resting on my typing hand (i'm using them both but she's only resting on one)..how can that be comfortable? it's forever moving. funny cat. good god. holy hell! ahhh shit. oh, and dave..hung himself. last year. bizarre. absolutely. i added and deleted 3 times tonight, in the space of about 5 minutes or less...oh indecisive. someone tried to steal a surround sound system today but didn't get it. they ran out the no exit doors (they were lucky they were open) and got chased by 2 managers. but he got away. regular customer as well. strange. hmm artwork in bark at my break spot. how nice. the smashing pumpkins are just great. i'm eighteen in a little over two months. i think it will mean hanging with warehouse girls on the weekend. how strange. and a lovely weekend with b for the celebration. and miss bek and i will most definately be making a trip to the strip clubs. oh yes, oh yes. if anyone likes the smiths, tell me what album i should buy first. and life without buildings..fuck, i am craving that band like you would not believe. does this large block of text confuse your eyes? do you know that if you keep yourself blindfolded for a couple of weeks, when you take it off..everything will be upside down for awhile. how cool is that. who wants to try it out with me? i wonder if we could get some kind of government funding. probably not. we could go to some obscure little independant research company or something. what fun. maybe i should donate myself to dream and sleep science. shakedown. nineteen-seventy-nine. you seem dead to me. how sad. you should come and we can..well nothing at all, theres nothing at all. you know i find i get really pissed off when people seem to get all this shit handed to them with a kiss on the cheek and a five thousand dollar cheque. really pissed off. i shouldn't, those people still have their equal share of troubles no doubt, everything is relative you know..but like fuck. FUCK! some people have to do their own shit. hahaha oh. well i guess i should stop. my sister really is beautiful though. i'm excited by the prospect of living with her again, all candles on verandahs and introducing her to good music and great great great conversation and prettiness and cleanliness and bright happy cheery funkiness..and funny gorgeous is gorgeous, nappynaps, chai lattes, art shows in brisbane..film film film and it will be much better, to be eighteen, and be there. i wasn't really excited about it until recently, the age thing. but its coming, this excitement. hey amanda BY THE WAY i am getting some pills. yes i am. 2. would you like a written invitation? and umm..if the answers no, say it straight up please so i can find somebody else. THANK YOU. danni and tyler are coming to visit me tomorrow it's his kind of half year birthday..6 months, how absurd. the girl i wagged school with for months, flashed council workers with, smoked sososososo so much pot with..has a six month old son. hmm wow. wondergirl..and tanya has a vw. and is constantly wanting me to get a pot, and even though it's so very easy for me to do..i say no, everytime. you should've seen the amount of buddage (?) around this morning. holy fucking jesus. i wonder how much thats worth. we could buy a small boat maybe. i believe in never, i believe in always. ummm i would like to be certain that there was something, but really, everything stands for nothing and i'd say it was a joke from the day that we met if that wan't so harsh. it's just over, thats all. and he was here on friday and maybe thats why or something, who knows. what did i do on friday? i really don't remember...oh thats right, waking up with carla werner, scotch at 4pm...not sure what else. i wonder what my dreams will bring tonight. msn and hotmail is sucking severly at the moment. either that or someone has actually gone in and changed both my email passwords. i am paranoid though, so i made them bulletproof. oh yes, it's an intricate little system believe me. hmm paranoia, so weird. and somebody calls my phone alot, while i am at work..a hidden number, and they listen to my voice message thing (which is ani's little..life knocked me off my platforms, so i pulled on my first pair of boots..thing) and then click, hang up. oh who could it be, who could it be. if the large block of text wasn't confusing your eyes before, i bet it is now. even though it's all the same to you isn't it, all just the finished product..how things aren't there, and then they are..or were they alerady there just waiting to be coloured in. the way you put a piece of paper over a coin and colour over it with a lead pencil. you know. yeah. this blind lady today had these amazing things to put her coins in..like so she could tell what she was using, by the sizes of the holes in these plastic case things. surprisigly enough, they had different colours for different sizes. where's the logic in that i wonder. jukebox fuck up hanging round the drugstore. it just pisses me off. you seem so unapologetic, and if anything, i should be praising you for that, i'm guilty of the same..like you've even taken some suggestions. you should eat something though my dear. really. the 5 day fastings were just..well were just...i don't know, eat something. please. be ok. i love you BECAUSE i just do. but i smell smoke, like somebodies pants...are burning. your girl was looking gorgeous in red pants a korn shirt and a little tartan hat today. theres a man who lives down my street and he's quite attractive and environmentally friendly and aware..politically so as well i'd imagine. and he holds quite the intrigue and maybe feels the same way about me. we kind of laugh with eachother, everytime we interact...like it's just funny, what we know about eachother. something, some kind of attraction or something, no idea. likes my gear he says, a rare find he says. someone like me? we're everywhere. but we crossed paths in the grocery store today and he tipped his head at me, which made me feel like a true lady and look at those goofy smiles, look! look! hi..exchanges going on for longer than they should. not a stupid girl. it's 10:30, i've got those butterflies in my stomach..waiting waiting waiting for pipes. he was going to leave it for me before he left but i guess he forgot..and that was 4 hours ago. he should be back soon. confused eyes....
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