-

anyway

fucked up?

i

thought you knew..

thought you'd already have that one figured out

faults? like i didn't already know

quite surprised

maybe it's a

maybe it's nothing.

as in nothing.

-

nothing.

(weary wife is walking away, ha, no romanticism please)

NONSENSICAL

-

rain

a little scattered, montage

nice though

sitting out in the rain just before gathering all the words up

and it's everything, everything about everything all at once

and it was a dream when i said i changed my mind? ah who cares

-

i can't help it

-

if i were just, better

better in every possible direction

(one thing that you'll never do)

-

yeah, kind of shocked...i shocked myself

-

maybe you know

i'm just crazy.

that was another out in the rain revelation.

just crazy, just a fucked up individual

of which there are many, it's nothing to be ashamed of, maybe it's not even my fault

maybe i should go tell someone before i go

before i go

the worlds at that point again, when you can count down to everything dropping off a cliff

-

i looked up inertia last night, in this wonderful book called 'sophies world'

a body remaining idle (stationary position?) until set into motion by an outside force

-

i tried to explain that i'd temporarily lost touch with myself and reality

just for as long as it took to write out stupid words

but

words tht i meant none the less i guess

ah

hmmm

-

less..guess

shit

-

the music doesn't help either

long story cut short, i approached the counter at sanity today with four cd's and a dvd in my hands

i only came home with two cd's...long long story

anyway they were

the best of morrissey - suedehead

elliot smith - figure 8

that lovely little something for kate b sides and rarities(another e?) box..it looks very pretty you know

gomez - liquid skin

and the radiohead homework dvd, because it was only $10 and was going to make a sum up to $40..long story

i can be really naiive sometimes

-

i got the first two

hello, i'm sad

they hate me there

-

i'm not sure why i just listed that off

ah i'm stoned

and a little confused

-

and stupid

yeah

-

i'll grow out of it maybe

or die young

and in an unglamorous fashion

-

obsessions

ahh

i don't have anything else..

to some people it can be really intriguing

but i think

to people who actually have to put up with the obsessed ones

it just gets tiring

boring

pointless

ungratifying

self deprecating (now i'm just )

-

like how people say appreciated like that c is really an s

is it supposed to be said like that?

maybe both are acceptable

the circles in which it matters

-

i don't really care

there's nothing there, to grieve, anyway

because it really is just

dreams

and imagination

even your voice

is almost just my imagination

i could count the times i've heard it on both hands?

in

19 months? 20?

wow

-

and then we fight

briefly like lovers

other things like lovers

no romanticism please

-

the move is still full steam ahead, the 18th...

the world drops off a cliff

so thats like eighteen days

maybe the plane will crash

oh wow that would just be so perfect wouldn't it?

and he came back

i hope the plane crashes.

what are the odds though?

really..

-

tonight i said to the janet that

i'm worried that i won't be able to cope

i told her about how i won't be able to ride out these bad depression bursts

as simply as i can here, i can't just

lie around

and smoke

and cry

and be alone

and that sometimes i think about suicide for hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours and hours

i said it just like that

once i started, with the hours

i couldn't stop. i had to make the point

days and days and

anyway

-

i've got to figure out if this is worth fighting for.

fighting. more ways than one

ah i've got to figure it out, is it worth it? all these dreams

well

look how much that little piece of paper was worth..

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