-

and i'm kind of into it

-

and it's funny the way i'm running into lots of people

(i'm not running. or bumping.)

and the ones who stop and talk and the ones who don't

and somehow it seems, i'm telling everybody

before i even notice

i think i need to convince myself

myself

-

after years of waiting..nothing came

(he's a reasonable man...get off his case)

-

and i'm really surprised. and kind of hurt.

and i think, fuck the amount of times i hear the word sorry

like, just fuck it.

fuck the amount of times i say 'it's ok, fine, no problem'

really.

and he is lovely just because he's reminding me of his presence

and things are haunting

-

remember cigarette burns?

i.....i do

-

i'm glad i put ths album on

really glad

-

the lady again today like she was hanging around and firing questions like gathering information because i'm not going to dial that number. no fucking way.

-

and feeling smug. and feeling in control and respected and needed, important, worthy. 'you seem like the kind of girl who can be trusted with 90%'

taking advantage of me while they can i said.

like i'm the best thing going baby...best thing since presliced packaged cheese.

-

and then i've a break, an hour later than usual and i close my eyes and hang my head like i can't stand the quiet now and the stillness of it all

because its just me and my spot. me and that spot.

the artwork she left got washed away in that rain last week.

washed away in the rain.

-

ahhh dear

-

hmm and purple shirt i made you cum with the aid of butter and chapstick

he's having another boy. i'm moving.

we are full of best wishes for one another and..i know what you look like when you orgasms

-

and my favourite customer.

(skin and Sharlene Smith)

and she's worse than ever i fear, but i hear it's to do with her heart (uh huh, hmm ouch) and she got a perm

and it's just lovely

and still she calls me darl. and there was this brilliant smile

that came when she said to her boyfriend/brother 'you'll have to take the heavy one'

because carrying two bottles of shampoo would've

broken her.

or at least made others fear that it would. she's just amazing.

-

i wanted to tell her everything. i wanted her to tell me everything.

-

my head almost feels like it's going to explode when i try to fathom what i'll be doing this time next week? maybe it's just the music

you and whose army, thats a bit better

-

hmm i have this habit sometimes of writing little bits and pieces like what i wriite in here, on bits of reciept paper at work.

usually i remember to take it with me whenever i leave my register

today i didn't write much. but i left it there.

about kissng the foreheads of all the sweet little girls who will become anorexics/drug addicts/victims/self loathsome/confused alone and messed up

women

(you dont know that for sure..)

about wanting more for them.

and more...more

i can't remember

-

how absurd

i wonder who'll find it, i hope that it's sky. i think she found one once before, where i went into great detail about what i'd like to do with those two spanish boys, one who said he had a surprise for me but more so the silent one in the beethoven t-shirt.

and she seemed to like me more after that. she's such a lovely person. one of those just genuinely nice, caring, loving seemingly sefless people. really beautiful. she seems really pure but of course theres dirt in here somehow.

-

that buddy list link has been bold long enough, time for me to finish.

(by the way, i still love you. so much. so much)

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