--

i seem to sound more and more pathetic as the days go by.

--

it seems as though it would be easier and easier to just...blow it all away.

--

selfish, aren't i.

--

all i want is to be able to start again.

in a new place.

new faces.

i need for this year to end.

--

i'm not good with new people.

i've a nervous kind of personality.

i'm not good with one on one conversations.

i'm too serious.

too 'depressing'.

too morbid.

--

the nothingness.

so many moments when my mind is blank.

and it's like the thoughts feel as though they have to catch up all at once so they just bombard me.

it's intense.

--

i kinda like it.

--

i'm lost.

--

i live this beautiful existence inside my head.

at times i get glimpses of the life that other people see.

and i hate it.

pathetic. (yup, ther's that word again.)

i can't help it.

can't stop it.

i try to change, try to change how i am and what i do.

but oi can't.

i always go back to it.

--

i want someone to save me.

--

someone to come and make it alright.

someone to make me forget.

someone who's calm.

someone who's not full of their own complications.

someone who'll sit and listen to me talk about myself for hours.

and not get bored.

someone who cares.

someone who i feel comfortable with.

--

and i hate that i need someone.

--

we so often mistake "I"'s for "you"'s.

--

i have an english assignment that i should be doing right now.

or should at least be making an effort to do.

--

i need a new existence.

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