i'm missing it already.

it took me 2 years to get them that good.

and now they're gone.

i'm seeing my sister next week, perhaps she'll pay for me to get them done properly.

i hope so because this silky hair thing just isn't me.

--

so it's been 3 weeks.

3 weeks and no blood.

i know it will return. quite possibly tonight...i got that feeling again before.

i was washing my face and felt wated trickle down my arm.

it was warm but not quite as thick as i like it.

and in that moment i wished that water was red.

so, perhaps it will return soon enough.

i've been getting these llittle flashbacks of moments that i'd forgotten.

times when i'd get to school and have to go straight to the toilets and just sit in there for 10 minutes, my head on my knees and a world of thought in my head.

moments in my room when i'd sit there screaming for an hour and then realise i hadn't said a word.

and things like that.

things i'd forgotten.

things that seem so...un-me.

but it was her.

she knows this, knows that it was real.

but it still doesn't feel right.

--

"just because it's there doesn't mean you see it anywhere."

--

maybe it's a trick of the light.

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