it's been a whirlwind these last couple of days

an absolute whirlwind

i feel changes in myself that are there and aren't there at the same time

it's an odd sensation but not entirely bad

or uninvited

we start a new journey on tuesday, moving north to chase the sun

i don't kow if it's a wise thing for me to go but i'm going to do it anyway

for many reaons

i'm torn between thinking this is a good opportunity to brighten my life, or to fuck it up even further

both could be good

only one would be art

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certain things i find strange

funny little things nothing huge

havcing sex with a man who wears bike pants for example

bike pants

my god it's hilarious

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got stoned for the first time in about 5 days last night

it was good i think

back to my old self

thinking analysing watching

not breathing

it was good but i didn't want to be with a person who would hold me and say they love me

i still can't say it

don't think i want to

it means too much, could lead to too much

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i've met some great people though

people with stories

it overwhelmed me last night that everyone here has some big strange story to their lives

in my town at home, people are simply what they are

well thats not true but you know what i mean

they don't have incredibly intriguing lives

some of them do

ok i'm diggin a hole for myself here, new subject

-

still thinking about cuts and ropes and guns

still as warm and welcome as ever

can't talk about it much though

i had a moment the other ngiht where i talked of sadness and art and dark eyes for an hour and a half

he couldn't handle it and was saying he felt the scorpio sting

that i'd changed

i said nothing had changed i was just being open for once

and it bit me on the ass

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wow it feels good to write

so fucking good

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