i'm utterly disgusted with myself for everything that i'm feeling right now

i'm disgusted with myself for thinking that such a

beautiful thing

(that i was worth it! ha!! fucking worth it)

for feeling like this

when i have

(such a beautiful thing.)

-

i level myself back down to his reality (the reality of him)

he is so real.

-

and i find it

what he says

(peace, wholeness)

i find that.

(i have that?)

he does

with me.

-

this is real.

what i'm saying in here gets talked about

constantly

-

i'm scared right now

of a couple of things

or alot of things

-

i'm scared of woodford

because

as of tomorrow it's one week away

i have

absolutely

(absolutely)

no idea whats happening

i know that i'm going

but thats about it

(!)

usually

jess wouldn't be able to handle this

(like usually she wouldn't have been able to handle amanda saying we couldn't get a stick last night, usually wouldn't be able to be handle walking aimlessly, usually wouldn't be able to handle another person filling my emptiness)

but what he brings is so much more beautiful and REAL than all of that

that it's now possble for it all to float into irrelevence at times

(most of the time even)

-

right now i can't finish what i set out to say

(float into irrelevence)

i really should learn how to spell that.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

previous - next