(you're just like good bad coffee)

-

really dark thoughts

(tune in and drop out)

-

so unsure so existing purely for self so empty

riding on pain

-

haunting piano melody darling

i want you here so i can bite your neck

(feast on the life that you are)

-

sickness

infected - cancerous

darling

(watch out)

distorted eyes

what are you seeing?

where are you now, why have i decided to do this all again

(feels good)

inspires me

really dark thoughts

(Pleasure)

-

haven't left my house 'all year'

been sitting in front of the computer, stoned, mirror watching, thinking of words, writing, reading

for days

sporadic bursts of conversation

(get up)

moments of high drama

(get up)

intense emotion things are falling your heart broke

(won't you stop my pain)

-

i couldn't help but smile when you said your heart was breaking

(i feel like you're breaking my heart, disconnecting from me, trying to tell me that you don't love me)

it's true

but it wasn't what i was trying to say

(it's not true though. something in me does love you - or maybe just that you love me - or maybe just that you're erally really physically mentally spiritually beautiful - you appeal to all of my senses)

i don't have a clue

(doesn't matter, just breathing)

living in this haze, dream world, jess cloud

(really really beautiful)

effected

infected

(i'm getting sicker)

it feels so nice, so welcome

comfort

(warmth)

from a raw centre inside of me when eevrything else is cold

freezing

fire warmth pain HATE

keeps me warm

-

really dark thoughts from really dark places

-

documented almost 2 hours of my time last night - so strange, so many things happening in that moment

those moments

2 hours is alot of moments

-

right now

all that i've been

doing

could be ending

slowly slipping away and i'm not even aware

i'm so numb mark

(i feel like i want to feel for you properly, would love to be able to love you with joy and bliss and flowers)

i feel as though thwe place in me that should be doing that

(heart)

shrivelled

burnt

prodded

scarred

had strips ripped from it, needles punctured

rotting

decay

-

mark

how do i love you with this black black thing

-

gets a little carried away, a little over involved

existing in thought, forgeting whats real, what gets said

(i'm sorry but i do this all the time)

-

drama queen

this is all simply the manifestation of all that i anticipated

(or something like that)

-

my diary is full of spelling mistakes

i'm really lazy.

-

i want to call him and ask if he'll have dinner with me tonight, maybe even spend the night with me and wake up together tommorrow morning

(half asleep morning sex while the suns rising for the day)

people getting ready for work

(just fucking)

-

why?

after all this crap

(really dark thoughts)

i'll see him and love him and touch him (stroking hair, head in my lap, smile in my face, bottom lips getting bitten, tongues touching, discovering, favourite places, backs arching, small sounds, quick breaths, silent moments)

you'll keep saying 'you're so beautiful'

(and i am)

-

but still

love for you, my dark thoughts darling

both big things

(co-exist)

-

how does that make you feel?

i doubt you could feed off the pain like i want you to

(hurt me)

hurt me right now if you want to, hurt me so badly i cut to get it out of me and listen to the smashing pumpkins and cry uncontrollably for hours

hurt me so much that i scream

in agony

(inside agony - heavy here)

-

soft fluffy hair

big and crazy and now with more dreadlocks

red, sun filters through it - sometimes looks like fire

(heart like wood)

black eye liner, i now use brown mascara

don't know why, just something about it i find really nice

-

(3:09)

mark

i don't know whether to call you or not

i don't know what you're thinking

(you could be thiking really dark thoughts to. you could've had sex with bek last night - how would that make me feel?)

i think i wouldn't properly acknowledge it for awhile because i wouldn't be able to handle it

even though

it would hurt me alot

and i'm asking to be hurt

(i feel i would shy away from that)

everythings simply theory with me

put something into practice and every idea that existed before it now flies out the window

life is fucked

(thats such an idiotic statement jess - although, most of them are)

ohh baby

(i'm so tired)

-

i think i need to go have a cigarette

(this i'd do for you)

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