the amazing sex we had after i told you i'm still in love with this person i've never met

my computer fucked up

had to reconnect

sign in

'Concrete Junglist'

thats amazing.

-

i knew i had to talk to you today

i wanted to send you a msg to tell you about the conversation that got had but didn't know what words to use

-

but there you were

you cut yourself last week

-

nothing to live for

(benny, live for me)

-

i cried.

afer you had to go i went into my room and i cried

'soul touching soul'

god benny we did that all the time

-

i cried because in the last week of february

i'm going to meet you

stand in front of you

face to face

(i want to kiss your lips - i recieved the best oral sex of my life last night)

this dream i have of you will either be completely oblitrated by reality

or

will become

something

more beautiful

than i could have imagined

-

either way it's going to be Big

and mark

is still going to be a part of it

he'll either have to mend my broken heart

or look after his own

-

had this conversation last night

on the road out the front of his parents house

-

(he thinks he's anorexic)

benny, not mark

-

mark

this conversation

'do you think we're really in love?'

i'd been wanting to ask that question for days

(if i die today, i'll be the happy phantom)

you said you'd felt dead

because of that girl

i said how could you expect my meeting you to completely remove any love i felt for anyone else

(because thats what happened to me)

you'd felt dead until that day you walked into the big shitty yellow warehouse and

saw my face

and felt something other tha being dead

felt nervous excited (in love)

mark

that broke my heart and it made e laugh

for some reaosn i was covering up giggles the whole time

it was the most innappropriate thing and i really don't understand why i found a conversation about not really loving you when you love me so fucking amusing

(thats just fucked jess)

yeah i know

-

but it was funny.

-

'you're the one so i'd DIE for your love'

that blew me away

(thats how we both felt)

well i can't feel that

not for you

-

but i feel alot

on some level

i do love you

i made it all better with

if you were anyone else i don't think i'd be with you right now

'but thats not true'

(raised voice, angry look)

No, i think it is.

(i fucking know it is - now is the right time for you, anything else would be completely and utterly pointless)

when you layed your head in my lap again i knew it would all be ok

starting playing with your hair and your beautiful neck

(can i ask you a bizarre question)

sure

(are you wearing any underwear?)

-

i was

a black g-string actually

(you know that now because you pulled it off with your teeth)

-

i like that i tend to keep my boots on when we have sex

i like that theres this mirror at the end of your bed and i get to see myself hop up, naked with boots, and wait for you to get dressed

(i really like that)

-

i like that you wanted to have sex with me on your parents front lawn

(we could've done that)

i like that you tell me when you're

thinking (really sexual thoughts)

-

i like that you like that i think really sexual thoughts all the time

(hand me my leather)

who are we kidding..

most of the time.

-

so

i'm feeling a little better now

benny ----->absolute

(we've already established that)

i can't believe you've been cutting and

starving

-

mark

(reallyreallynicething)

don't know if i have the words for it

i tell him that i love him and don't feel as though i'm lying

(i burnt my wrist last night - the smell of burnt flesh is beautiful)

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