(it was a benny moment) but

mark

was who was on my mind

(or - the easiest to focus on)

easiest to

-

really confused.

-

i had a really nice afternoon at work

i got free pot this morning

((((((i talked to benny))))))))

-

beautiful bible boy ben told me

he'd be my daddy if thats what i wanted

-

he worries about me

(all the time actually)

he wants to put a dead animal on Celines car, and rose petals - he's really in love with her, and her with him, it's quite beautiful but i think they're both so confused..or they just like to play some weird game of cat and mouse..doesn't matter, i think they're beautiful together

but we had a nice afternoon

talked about mark and benny, god and celine

i like talking about God with Ben

(capital letters can be really interesting things)

i think that ahhhhhhhhh

it's time i just admitted that

i'm full of shit

(i still don't feel better)

totally numb to some things

-

i still can't believe i was giggling when mark was

(aaaaaah wow)

and

i think his mum thinks i'm a junkie.

-

the eating thing

-

(such a big thing. but so..nonexistent)

-

i changed my password on here.

i'm going to change it back once i finish typing this

i'm just such an idiot

i apologise to those of you who read this because it must get really irritating

-

(i've been thinking that next year, if i'm still alive, theres not much that i want to do with my life - i might become a 'missionary' of some sort. just a thought)

i think maybe

(!!)

benny would come with me

that is

if he's still alive

(how typical of me to be so in awe of this new incredibly tragic benny, i was in awe before but now it's like......is it real????????)

can't believe i actually questioned that

because

(usually i don't)

-

like i said before

i really like that

even though i was in a benny moment

i seemed to write mostly about mark

(he really is a really really nice thing)

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