10 cuts on my belly thats possibly inhabited by an (almost) unwelcome occupant

10 cuts without a purpose perhaps

or perhaps meaning more than any of the other marks on my body

10 cuts on my beautiful stomach

some reach for lifejackets to keep themselves afloat while others give themselves gills to breathe underwater

i'm here now, at marks house

in daves bedroom using his computer

-

yesterday i had the thought that

this thing could end

today

but

things happened

(orgasms)

i'm feeling much better now

-

i got a new book to write in last week on wednesday night

already i have filled over 60 pages

it's a 100 page book

it has blood on it

-

my hours at work got cut in half so now i'm only going to be earning $100 a week

50 of that has to get saved and 25 has to go to my dad

party times are up ahead obviously

yeah....right

-

i've been feeling ok

i was really depressed last week, until wednesday

(strange that she can use that word isn't it)

i got a new book, some red hair dye and i felt ok after that

mark went away to the big day out

(benny is going today. he sent me an email. he's reading about tantra and now has 2 jobs - i adore him more than ever and feel so right in the thought of his arms)

so i had a quiet weekend

i hardly saw mark all week until last night

and even then, only because i called i wonder that if i didn't perhaps i'd still be sitting at home, maybe with no more pages left in my book

his penis still scares me

it's really irritating

last night all i wanted to do was be on top of him

lick every part of his body

precious things started playing in my head as i was thinking (ohhh shit, don't be too loud you'll wake everyone up)

great oral sex

(you can make me cum)

doesn't make you jesus

-

bek is amazing

we shared midnight msgs for 3 hours the other night

anis new album is out

-

in less then a month

i'm meeting benny

and marks moving away

less then a month

everythings going to be turned upside down

-

a distinct lack of updates lately due solely to the fact that my home computer has died

if it wasn't for that

i would've been writing in here like crazy

-

if i dream tonight

then that makes 2 weeks straight that i have been dreaming when i sleep

i have to go find my t shirt and underwear and make a coffee

(benny my love it's getting closer - everything you said is Right)

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