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((((10 minutes of silence))))

Self preservation feels like a scraped stomach - kissa my eyes (i think i'm going to vomit) says:

i really like sydney

Concrete Junglist says:

you do?

Self preservation feels like a scraped stomach - kissa my eyes (i think i'm going to vomit) says:

yeah..

Self preservation feels like a scraped stomach - kissa my eyes (i think i'm going to vomit) says:

my sister wants me to live in cronulla with her but i tihnk i'm going to opt for new town

Concrete Junglist says:

like....

Self preservation feels like a scraped stomach - kissa my eyes (i think i'm going to vomit) says:

like?

Concrete Junglist says:

like....where

Self preservation feels like a scraped stomach - kissa my eyes (i think i'm going to vomit) says:

like newtown, in sydney..i don't know exactly where in newtown..i just like the area

Concrete Junglist says:

hmmm...i knew you would

Self preservation feels like a scraped stomach - kissa my eyes (i think i'm going to vomit) says:

so how are you?

Concrete Junglist says:

flat out

Concrete Junglist says:

how are you? ( i would like to know)

Self preservation feels like a scraped stomach - kissa my eyes (i think i'm going to vomit) says:

i'm fine..ok..good even

Concrete Junglist says:

really?

Self preservation feels like a scraped stomach - kissa my eyes (i think i'm going to vomit) says:

yeah..i wasn't for awhile, things got really fucked a couple of weeks ago..i had this weird breakdown thing, kind of interesting

Self preservation feels like a scraped stomach - kissa my eyes (i think i'm going to vomit) says:

but yeah...things are ok now

Self preservation feels like a scraped stomach - kissa my eyes (i think i'm going to vomit) says:

why did you ignore me again?

Concrete Junglist says:

fear

Concrete Junglist says:

you knew that...

Self preservation feels like a scraped stomach - kissa my eyes (i think i'm going to vomit) says:

yeah i did

Self preservation feels like a scraped stomach - kissa my eyes (i think i'm going to vomit) says:

thats fucked benny...you probably know that, but it really is

Concrete Junglist says:

i know it is

Concrete Junglist says:

i couldnt have made it on the weekend anyway

Concrete Junglist says:

but...i still should have let you known

Self preservation feels like a scraped stomach - kissa my eyes (i think i'm going to vomit) says:

yeah

Concrete Junglist says:

would you belive me

Concrete Junglist says:

if i said i was sorry

Self preservation feels like a scraped stomach - kissa my eyes (i think i'm going to vomit) says:

i'm not sure...it's kind of irrelevent really

Concrete Junglist says:

yeh true

Concrete Junglist says:

um

Self preservation feels like a scraped stomach - kissa my eyes (i think i'm going to vomit) says:

?

Concrete Junglist says:

yeah, what can i say

Self preservation feels like a scraped stomach - kissa my eyes (i think i'm going to vomit) says:

it's ok...i wasn't really that surprised, and it's not as if it in any way put a downer on my little holiday..i had a really good time...

Self preservation feels like a scraped stomach - kissa my eyes (i think i'm going to vomit) says:

it was just...disappointing to my idea of you...i kind of thought you were...bigger than that i guess

Concrete Junglist says:

bigger?

Concrete Junglist says:

im actually alot bigger than you realise

Self preservation feels like a scraped stomach - kissa my eyes (i think i'm going to vomit) says:

what do you mean by that?

Concrete Junglist says:

just because i dont have time for you, you dont have to attack my persona

Self preservation feels like a scraped stomach - kissa my eyes (i think i'm going to vomit) says:

benny, i'm not attacking your persona...i just thought you weren't the kind of person who's too full of 'fear' to pick up a phone, send an email, anything to simply say 'i can't make it' or 'i don't want to' or whatever

Self preservation feels like a scraped stomach - kissa my eyes (i think i'm going to vomit) says:

i've no doubt that you're 'big', god i think you're fucking amazing....thats possibly why it was such a disappointment

Concrete Junglist says:

but wheres the mystery in that?

Self preservation feels like a scraped stomach - kissa my eyes (i think i'm going to vomit) says:

fuck that

Self preservation feels like a scraped stomach - kissa my eyes (i think i'm going to vomit) says:

mystery? fucking jesus

Concrete Junglist says:

dont cuss

Self preservation feels like a scraped stomach - kissa my eyes (i think i'm going to vomit) says:

don't censor me

Concrete Junglist says:

put it this way

Self preservation feels like a scraped stomach - kissa my eyes (i think i'm going to vomit) says:

you said it was fear, fear of what?

Concrete Junglist says:

youre going to interact with me

Concrete Junglist says:

when im ready

Self preservation feels like a scraped stomach - kissa my eyes (i think i'm going to vomit) says:

it could simply be 'i don't like you'

Concrete Junglist says:

its not that at all

Self preservation feels like a scraped stomach - kissa my eyes (i think i'm going to vomit) says:

ready for what...i didn't expect anything from you, i just wanted to meet you

Concrete Junglist says:

yeah, and im not ready for you to meet me

Concrete Junglist says:

i have too much going on

Concrete Junglist says:

trying to juggle 2 jobs, i get absolutely NO sleep nowadays, im with a girl named katie and you expect me to have all this time for you, and when you dont get what you want you send obscene text messages that get me into trouble

Self preservation feels like a scraped stomach - kissa my eyes (i think i'm going to vomit) says:

obscene? what did i say that was obscene?

Concrete Junglist says:

nevermind....i have to go anyway

Self preservation feels like a scraped stomach - kissa my eyes (i think i'm going to vomit) says:

no, what was obscene

Concrete Junglist says:

who cares, it was only a fucking sms

Self preservation feels like a scraped stomach - kissa my eyes (i think i'm going to vomit) says:

why are you getting angry?

Concrete Junglist says:

im not

Self preservation feels like a scraped stomach - kissa my eyes (i think i'm going to vomit) says:

what are you then?

Concrete Junglist says:

what am i ?

Concrete Junglist says:

im in love.....and being in contact with you makes me sad

Concrete Junglist says:

so i must go

Self preservation feels like a scraped stomach - kissa my eyes (i think i'm going to vomit) says:

well i hope that works out for you

Self preservation feels like a scraped stomach - kissa my eyes (i think i'm going to vomit) says:

why would being in contact with me make you sad?

Concrete Junglist says:

why do you need to ask

Self preservation feels like a scraped stomach - kissa my eyes (i think i'm going to vomit) says:

that 'hope that works out for you' comment sounded sarcastic..it's not, i think it's good that you found someone

Self preservation feels like a scraped stomach - kissa my eyes (i think i'm going to vomit) says:

because i want to know

Concrete Junglist says:

because you represent a really sad time in my life

Concrete Junglist says:

when all i could think about was you, it was when i was in a hopeless state

Concrete Junglist says:

and i dont want that anymore

Self preservation feels like a scraped stomach - kissa my eyes (i think i'm going to vomit) says:

wow...ok, i hope you feel better now then..

Concrete Junglist says:

sure

Self preservation feels like a scraped stomach - kissa my eyes (i think i'm going to vomit) says:

well do you? has this conversation in some way made you feel better about yourself? coz fuck, i hope at least one of us has gotten something positive out of it

Concrete Junglist says:

what?

Concrete Junglist says:

youre the one asking all the questions

Self preservation feels like a scraped stomach - kissa my eyes (i think i'm going to vomit) says:

i don't understand why you're saying this shit

Concrete Junglist says:

im just trying to answer with as much honesty as i can

Self preservation feels like a scraped stomach - kissa my eyes (i think i'm going to vomit) says:

ok, fair enough...i guess i should appreciate that

(another 10 minutes of silence)

Concrete Junglist says:

anyway i only came on to submit an exam, i guess i'll....see you around

Concrete Junglist says:

bye jess xo

(he's waiting for me to say something but i refuse.)

-

i've got no words

though i'd let the conversation do the talking

-

purged.

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