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long sleeps again.

8 fingernails coloured in with a fat fat nikko

little boys staring as though they just discovered

woman

and me and pj

down by the water

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dreams

dreams where i'm

with mark?

by coincidence and we're orgnising to meet later and as usual it's

well call me

come see me

when you're ready

in my dream that happened at 8:00 maybe?

the fuckass kylie girl i work with was with me and we were both going to see mark

and i was

procrastinating

i looked at my watch and it was

10:00

and i woke up

i still hadn't gone to see him, i was scared and nervous and intimidated

and dressed in rags with

pot plants? draped over me

walking around the bathroom

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when i woke up i was

surprised that i could remember the dream, even though it took a little while

i know that towards the end, i was really struggling with it..i think i was panicing about something

not so much something about the dream, but the state i was in perhaps

panic about myself somehow

i don't know

but the other night

im not sure when it was, it really only came back to me yesterday

i had this dream

about our house getting raided

just quietly

that would be horrible. absolutely fucking disastrous.

but we weren't being raided by standard police officers, they were like these robot things

that could only walk in straight lines

and could't like..feel around for stuff, or lift anything up

the only way they were going to find anything was if they walked straight into it

i could hear the sound of revving engines and soft voices outside my window nd then somehow got a flash Forward

to what was going to happen, i saw the whole raid taking place

so,i fought to stay calm and try and find good hiding spots for all that needs to be hidden in my room

i was scrambling across my bed

wow, i can see it in my mind now just like a video

anyway

i peeked out my bedroom door to see if they'd come in yet and one was like..holding janet up by her shirt with these strange robot claw things and

she looked terrified

actually, now that i think about she looked like someone who had just been hung

eyes bulging

she'd pissed herself.

i went back to scrambling over my bed and then one of them came in to my room and i was on the floor and So fucking scared and then

well actually

maybe this was yesterdays dream

and this was when it turned into

seeing benny and losing that little girl

hmm

how interesting.

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it's wednesday.

already.

the weeks seem to be going beautifully quickly.

miss bek will be here on friday which i think is just fantastic

red wine and cigars?

=

weeks going quickly

soon

things will only be a month away

and then

3 weeks

2 weeks

2 days!

oh fuck

i think for those last 2-3 weeks i'm going to have constant buttrerflies in my tummy

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i've been drawing some kind of strange pictures in my little writing book lately

i drew a gun

maybe last week

i'd never done that before, mostly just because i didn't have intimate eough knowledge of what a gun looks like (details) to try and draw a half 'respectable' looking one

but the other night

it just came out of nowhere

a beautiful gun in the bottom left hand corner of a page

hmm

and ducks

dears

and i've been coughing up little brown chunks of stuff

it's not very nice

luckily it doesn't happen often

wow.

i just heard

from a glorious little burly haired possum

miss bek will be here Today!

oh my

in the pj harvey bay..

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i should really go and wash my hair.

i want to have sex to both portishead albums.

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sometimes i think i could just not show up.

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