hmm

06-09

-

yeah

thats how my head is tonight.

well not really

not at all actually

but

-

ok computer.

wasteless

waste

less.

-

oh yes

(i got a sudden craving for karma police. but. i didn't turn it on straight away. it's great. i'm not there yet. exit music)

for a film

ah!

have i written these things before, did this actually happen 3, 6 months ago and now

it just happens to be happening again

like things are on repeat

subtle.

oh

what if i'm on to something

what if i'm on something

i think most of the under 30 year old men who i work with are on drugs.

maybe some of the older ones to

actually yes

i think so

-

theres a man called steve who is slightly pigeon toed and has this permanent "wedgee"

he's one of those chubby cheeked curly haired people whose face gives them this strange

teddy bear like appearance

he would be

maybe early 40's.

his mum picks him up from work everyday.

he has a strange sense of humour.

hmm.

-

michele

my boss

got in trouble by her boss today.

i could hear it!

i don't think she was very happy that he was doing it so loudly and right there

'on the floor'

someone drew balloons and wrote

'whoopdeedoo'

in permanent marker on the whiteboard in the staff kitchen thing.

that room freaks me out.

people eat in there.

i don't know how.

-

bens spanish seniorita

(i don't know how to spell that. and karma police just started. my stomach flip-flopped.)

still comes in almost every day

i used to think it was just to harrass ben but he hasn't worked there for a couple of months now really so

i've finally figured out that her and her friends just fucking

shop

all the time.

what do they buy? i have no idea. where do they get all there money from, thats what i want to know!

it just pisses me off.

she is gorgeous though.

her and ben make quite the nice couple

pure as they are.

they certainly don't look it.

thats another thing. i have doubts about her christian heart.

but i shouldn't.

i don't really know her that well.

-

(for a minute there)

oh

hehe

sorry, i LOST myself

hehehehe

-

obiously i'm incredibly bored.

-

i could kill myself right now and it wouldn't really matter.

i mean really.

look around.

like you're in the middle of the desert

at night.

a cloudy night.

no stars.

just

nothing.

all around.

except maybe animals

desert animals

scorpions

they live in the desert don't they?

oh

lie down

-

or lie standing upright

i don't mind.

lie to my face.

-

i wish i could perform oral sex on myself.

i wish everyone could

but that

there were these great

like...female condom, tasteful...shield type thing

so that you know

actually what the hell am i talking about.

that would be just too fucking weird.

i think even if i could do that.

i wouldn't.

well

maybe only once every couple of years or something

-

hmm.

i wonder

sometime last week i started wondering if he (you)

was reading this

stumbled upon it the same way

i stumbled

on things.

there was this strange smug smile that went with a

"i don't know how people can stand to read them..or write them"

comment

i read this great article about 'blogs' the other day.

i read alot of erotica the other night.

-

i'm wearing the ring he gave me.

he gave me a ring.

it was special because he'd had it when he was with Her

but..didn't give it to her

he gave me a ring.

i still have the flowers you know, i..well i almost made half a move to throw them out

the other day

but i couldn't.

i can't even move them from where they've been sitting

for months now.

the photograph is face down.

the jackets gone.

oh

no surprises please.

-

i'm just switched off.

i'm just. it's not even worth the hurt anymore.

mutual.

nothing left to grieve.

-

i don't know you know...

but i like this...

~My pocket knife's gotta shiny blade~ says:

red wine..cigars? it sound delightable

~My pocket knife's gotta shiny blade~ says:

a dead man...I kind of laughed when i realised how serious i am

~My pocket knife's gotta shiny blade~ says:

hmm

~My pocket knife's gotta shiny blade~ says:

laugh it off bek...

hahaha ohh yes

thats my little possum.

-

knowledge speaks, wisdom listens.

i seem to speak alot.

he seems to listen.

or maybe we do equal amounts of both

hmm and it's 9:34

thats over an hour.

ha

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