-

he used to call me jessie-ma-poo-poos

and wouldn't talk to me until i replied with

yes

markymapoopoos

ha

yeah.

-

she says she has good news.

we might still have time.

go read the lyrics i put on the fake tragic site.

-

i tell myself that i'm adoing alright

thats not a typo.

i'm breathing love.

my cat is biting my bracelets while i type.

now she's biting the cord from my earphones.

ahh she distracted me.

she stopped now.

-

breathing love and pale skin.

-

bbbbbbreathing love and wondering why why why just the Thought of bleeding feels so wrong

crazy

-

as if - i'm above something?

as if i float on something, i'm onto something

said this before

i'm

well

you know how

everybody always says they're lost

and i say it

alot

but wow

so fucking lost

really honestly never seen myself like this and it seems to just..grow..everyday

it's interesting but

a little worrying sometimes.

-

caught up in things

disgusted by myself to this amazing point

oh

you have no idea.

but at The Same Time!!!!

laaaaaaa i think i'm lovely.

-

42 days left.

oh and what happens then?

you know thats kind of where things seem to drop off some cliff

a week later my sister will return from mexico

oh yes

hand claps.

42 days

fuck.

fuck.

want...can you imagine the want?

-

oh

it makes everything delicious

i'm a little scared.

-

this voice lacks passion yet i don't.

lost in translation.

-

have you ever?

the 12 year old in me will forever be in love with this mark dellit boy.

whhy 12 and why forever?

not sure but it makes sense.

making excuses.

do you look down when you type?

i need to do some serious exercise.

i need to stop getting lifts to and from work everyday

those walks were part of the chocolate deal

-

oh i don't know.

i just want to lie down and have everything and everyone just Stop for awhile.

just stop.

so i can just..breathe

for weeks even.

years.

i want the time to pass.

-

i dream someone elses dreams i think.

they are completely different to what i am used to.

victoria, where are you?

are you ok?

i dream of boardwalks

i dream of

mapoopoos.

i dream of mixed drinks, blue dresses, stealing from fridges, double talk, walking, purple grass, close up shots and previews of the immediate future

i dream of detachment

running, hiding from something

i once dreamt of homicide.

it made everything shrink.

things just disappeared.

i could lash out and do anything, i'm completely lacking energy but

theres a certain fire in my belly that could keep me walking till sunrise perhaps

-

everybody seems to be slightly more fucked than ever.

i say hooray for us all, perhaps we're just Losing our Minds

in which case we'll probably be better off

6 legged space monkeys may take over the earth any day now you know.

-

benny said something a little while ago about having a conversation with his reflection for a couple of hours one night and deciding that

in mirror land, jess and benny know eachother well, are great friends in fact

i think he's right.

i like him alot.

maybe you noticed.

i even like that his feet look funny in that one photo.

maybe it makes me like him even more.

-

how honest can you be?

what matters enough to discuss?

42 days.

hmm i'm counting down to something more seriously than i ever have in my whole life.

i think this is the biggest thing.

biggest thing.

it's close maybe

hmm

hello.

ever felt really Not Right?

i hate that feeling.

mwah.

to everyone.

love.

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