(don't, don't really mean it)

and loveliness...

lovelies

love lies

bleeding on the bathroom floor

who is elizabeth?

(don't give me respect)

a piece of your preciousness...oh you know i'm full of aches

and anticipation of holes in lips

black and red..jess's brand of FUNK

-

why can't my balloon stay up in a perfectly windy sky

i think men have good reason to be wary of women who listen to tori amos

-

lover............oh, lover

i just want

to know how you bleed

show me..show me your routinue and i'll show you myne

do you think you'd go deeper

on someone else flesh?

lose yoursxelf to abandonment because

you can't feel it

you can only hear

their moans

and after awhile..pleasure, pain, it all blends in you know

i just want to know....

the name of your hairdresser?

excuse me..i am on a search for this girl

i wonder if she knows me.

(i can be cruel but oom i don't know why)

it really sounds like she says oom

oom.

oh, whoa oh whoa hhaiy

sorry..distracted and writing for no reason at all.

all is full of love..love love love

i think i'm ok for the moment

at the top of his webpage there is a google search result ad thing saying

BPD RECOVERY IS POSSIBLE

for awhile i thought maybe he'd done it on purpose..haha haha haha

in the process of changing my body over

screaming fatfatfat you know and cringing at my own stupidity

hipbones? try love handles

fatty.

look at those thighs....slap them

wobblewobblewobble

obsessing

paranoire

grandiose

avantgarde, pretty pills

i'm excited

amanda do you know how many times i've wanted to ask you to get me some speed?

how many times...i feel like you'd

brush me off

sometimes i feel like you just laugh at me constantly, like you really

are friends with me because of some kind of sympathy thing..or that

i don't know. you can't take me anywhere.

yeah. and thats the truth.

it's ok, i don't blame you, i'm weird and stupid and i know it

(sorry, for the stupid thing..should've left it at weird..idiot idiot idiot!!!)

sam told me. that jack was shocked..to discover sam was..sam

sam

pisses me off...whistles

shitty techno

music that totally doesn't fit

ambience

surrounding atmosphere, just doesn't click like he's trying to kill off the discomfort

i am not your seniorita.

(things are getting de-des-per-ate)

animal lovers

anyway

-

menthol tobacco

to prove to little me

that there's pure choice involved

in where and in what you see him

pure choice

i don't feel a thing

silly little nothings..

lost in your america..

-

cold hands gripping cups so hot it burns

doesn't matter, we need the warmth

lets go scream in cathedrals

-

i will sacrifice nothing.

too much of that..

raising up my hands

(just say yes)

it won't save you

nothing can save me now!

pictures of bodies turned inside out

blood and bones

muscle

tissue

throats

tight.grip.

we're dying.

each and every one of us.

nothing comforts more.

-

get a little grace..get a little Inspiration

called me an artist

an artist

product

faulty, refund, exchange, supervisor sighting customer, scribbled 'signatures' (i don't have one)

she tickles too much

makes me incredibly uncomfortable

she likes kisses on her cheek

there's a secret in me.

yes. there is.

random surrealism i catch familiar moments

little dream flashbacks

i dreamt last night

of a horrible sex deed caught on camera shown to the whole world and a best friends mum wo hugged me but wouldn't pull me close

held at arms length

and a phone call, something for kate playing through the phone - you don't like them so you hung up

paul dempsey pisses you off.

i think he's just beautiful.

a long table with oversized chairs - a deck

wildlife

choosing seating arrangements that differ from the norm just to make the most of this well known but never witnessed landscape

you're doing oh so well these days..

secrets...people

masquerading friendship

i am totally trusting of NO ONE

not even myself.

especially myself.

i am shaky steps

unsure

hmm and now it's time for a useless shakespeare quote

"Hear not my steps, which way they walk, for fear

Thy very stones prate of my whereabout,

And take the present horror from the time,

Which now suits with it. Whiles I threat, he lives:

Words to the heat of deeds too cold breath gives."

i was craving those couple of lines, forgive me

craving macbeth all round really

craving

grade 12 english

'born to play lady macbeth' he says

born for it.

a lady macbeth and a lovely ophelia

how we are..

-

i'm going to go get stoned and think about shakespeare

and then i am going to re-read macbeth

just because i want to

oh, is this a dagger which i see before me....

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