my name is sex.

i don't fucking know.

piling 'contradiction'

that word is irritating

on top of contradiction.

(there is no need)

throwing arms around..shit

-

good day.

i'm going insane in here.

i can't even be bothered to....to try and put words to this shit

and i never can. hence three hundred and seventy-two fucking

diary entries.

and read every single one of them.

i don't say shit.

fuck.

----

before this

i was ok, the stoned thing (as in..not getting so) isn't happening.

i didn't even make any kind of half assed effort after hatching the plan.

aleisha was sad at work today.

i said i'd move in with her and we figured out the rent.

if sky comes it will be even better

-

apparantly. hmmm

-

and shit

i was so hot today.

again! ha

yesterday was better though maybe

hair clips...

-

i bought this big flower lamp for my room. i shouldn't have.

for so many reasons.

one of them being..it's a really ugly lamp.

-

yeah.

i know exactly what i'm doing.

-

the kylie girl who gives me lifts to and from work sometimes is moving to nambour on sunday.

internet romance. can you believe it?

-

she of course can't talk about anything else

it's depressing. but fantastic news for her.

she's hit this amazing high point the last month or so

and i think she was really low

before hand.

no doubt she'll be there again, but it's nice to see someone wrapped in dreams and happiness..distraction

-

at this rate i'll look like death by saturday.

-

mmmm

so i've calmed down a bit now. i was fine but then everyone came home which always just freaks me out

they can all be pretty heavy sometimes.

everytime i hear footsteps i get tense.

everytime i focus on what i'm typing i see something wiggle down the bottom of my screen.

i think it is some kind of

optical glitch.

like little black/white/grey/silver dots in the sky.

parachuting.

he she was pregnant and living out of home when she was 16.

bigtime revelations.

i think maybe i need to listen to freakshow.

i don't own it. i'll buy it tomorrow.

i bought more something for kate..have i already mentioned that? yesterday. it's just perfect for the time somehow, neutralises something.

and i bought a book. called the betsy.

it looks promising.

i'll start reading it tomorrow.

i should go somewhere nice.

or something.

last night i put myself to sleep by kissing peoples foreheads.

imagining so anyway..so many people are so so sad.

i kissed lots of foreheads.

but not marks, i don't even think i thought of him. i'm only mentioning this bit because i just thought of it and perhaps it has something to do with my dreaming about him...and sad eyes and sinking head on a table. maybe he needed one too.

i will send him a forehead kiss.

i even smoothed hair and held scattered heads against my

bosom.

-

and i met the pia today.

and the girl.

i know her name..

-

and no i won't.

-

i feel ok now.

rub my belly.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

previous - next