i'm giving up and writing in wordpad.

but now i can't think properly.

i had this huge dream last night. i wish i could remember it properly, it's all just a big jumbled mess in my head at the moment

i imagine it's going to stay that way

hmmm...i knew i was about to wake up at the end, but wanted to come back..i asked a lady to watch my table.

stuff about mark, they were playing the doors in the subway cafe

and about being in love, and having someone with me..arms around me, kisses.

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last night my mum and i went to this fashion parade put on by the school she works at

we sat at this table with a bunch of other teachers who didn't know what to say to one another, or why they were there, thats how it seemed at least

but one woman was lovely, she kind of weirded me out

as soon as i sat down she started talking to me like we knew eachother saying 'oh, hello jessica, my daughter and her boyfriend will be here soon'

and they were. they just made me miss mark even more, if i didn't before. i'm not sure what it was exactly..they looked like a pair of junkies you know..he had your lips, she took photos of him just sitting next to her and i saw his fingers pulling on her hair.

time. never time at all. early morning smashing pumpkins.

it gets worse and worse, everyday

i'm not sure if you're coming closer, or getting further away.

there was this girl modelling who was absolutely gorgeous. she had this long black hair and white white (yes, two) skin and she was so...petite. she kept her face hidden by her hair, i hope someone falls in love with her and puts it behind her ears, kisses her on the lips and tells her she's beautiful.

i wasn't going to ask my mum to buy me that pill but we drove past a chemist and i just blurted it out. so it's all ok. there's a cute boy who works in a chemist in maryborough. little glances, i like little glances.

i like when little glances move to a point where they have to become conversation, and there's this kind of...giggling that goes on, recognition..things unspoken

god i like that alot.

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i got fancy cigarettes and miss victoria i think i'd like to meet you one day. if i ever move to sydney, you're obligated to spend some time with me. just because, you are.

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i didn't go to work yesterday, i talked to miss bek on the phone which was lovely. fuck i want him so bad. really really really it's getting to a point where i might do something stupid about it. impromptu bus trips and visits to places of employment. talk to me. love me. please.

give me your best lie.

or i might even just order him some flowers. get them sent to his house, no card. or..the word ophthamologist on the card.

he must know. i worry about it getting to being a year since we met and him still not talking to me.

bianca is taking me out for my 18th birthday. it's in november everybody.

i'd put a photo of her up here, because she's hot as but i can't be bothered trying to find a really good one.

and i should go get ready for work. and i still can't add this fucking entry.

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