and want seems to grow excessively, everyday

still, which seems almost impossible

that would be approaching 400 days i imagine

how absurd

-

and his seeemingly uncalled for anger and this paranoia get to me

moving closer to home he says, watch out

-

i dreamt of some kind of airport and space shuttles and bek with her head down, not showing her face, and stairs that i never reached the top of and bianca in a white ad blue pretty dress

and a reassuring hug somewhere in there

and the three of them choosing to go behind me rather than through my register

(steve mcqueen plays..)

and eminem

and kale from work being sweet on me and smiling about

some strange phobia that we both share

(or at least did in the dream)

i was sitting down to a large meal, special gathering, 'last supper' of sorts, i was off to some strange place with a stranger group of people

-

i wouldn't say starfucker just like my daddy at playgroup..

-

i am very wrapped up in this

i am reading lots of poetry and and and this great book about a psychotic doctor who amputates the hands of criminals and joins them together..he's up to making siamese twins of sorts. and an asian with red hair.

i swear i saw the word 'zoloft' written somewhere in the kicthen just before, but i can't seem to find it again

-

i'm feeling slightly impatient and as though i just really want to be

present

-

i love everything about it.

mm send me a little care package..

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